Holiday Survival Guide (for the family and friends who love someone with OCD)

This week we celebrated my favorite holiday! Thanksgiving by far is my favorite holiday, but the reason why has nothing to do with food. I love turkey, mashed potatoes and all the fixins, but the real reason I love Thanksgiving is becuase of the memories I have with my family around the table. Growing up we always ate dinner as a family. It was an intentional time spent talking about the days activities, telling stories and it was these moments that laid the foundation for the closeness of my family. When I got married and had a child it was important to me that we eat together aorund the table for dinner as often as possible. With the business of ministry and being a thte church or with church people more nights than we are home, we have to protect the time we spend around our table as a family. Our daughter, even at the age of three, knows that we pray and eat as a family each night, and even she knows she has to stay at the table till we are all done.

Growing up we always had a few extra non-family members around our Thanksgiving table. Not having the opportunity to always live near family had is disatdvantages, but one advantage was the surprise at who would join us each year for turkey day. I remember the recently widowed, the foreign exchange student, the too far from family single person, the friends who were closer than family, the friends of friends, the co workers and all the other people who found themselves at our table throughout the years.

This year we were blessed to have my parents, brother and friends who recenlty moved to Nashville join us for Thanksgiving at our little cozy townhouse. After all the dishes were done, leftovers put away and dessert eaten I began to think about what I wish other people knew.

The holidays are an exciting time, but can be extremly overwhelming and difficult for those of us who live with OCD. The changes in routine, anticipation of whats to come, stress,  traveling, not to mention more germs around can cause the most calm person to experience anxiety. My family has been amazing at helping me through but I want to share a few tips to help support the people you love with OCD and anxiety this holiday season.

• Give us space. Don't be offended when we need a time out or break from all the festivities. Sometimes a few minutes of alone time can go along way in helping us "make it through the next event." We aren't mad, we are just coming up for air.
• Expect less. I already have high expectations of myself, so please don't add to it.
• Keep things as normal as possible. The cram packed schedules, decorations and festivities cause our normal to look and feel different. Try to keep things as normal as possible.
• Check in/check out. Make a point to check in and out with your loved one. Starting the day asking what we need is huge and then ending the day by seeing how the day went or how we are doing shows you care.
• Back off...but don't back away. You don't have to smother us with "are you ok?" questions but please don't forget that this can be a hard time of year. Don't assume we are okay.
• Let me obsess about something. Often times the obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors can be more heightened and excessive during stressful times. So we may need to give in to the OCD monster and that is okay as long as it isn't hurting ourselves or others.
• Listen...don't fix. Many times we may just need you to listen. Often times there is no easy fix but just listening so we can get it all out helps more than you know.
• Love us through it all. The good the bad and ugly parts of OCD are a part of us. So please love us no matter what.

Be fully present in the moment!