Counting, Crying and Curious George

I found myself counting steps this week. Counting is a comfort yet when I find myself having to count steps again I get a little worried. I don't like this OCD part of me because it distracts me and makes me feel like I'm taking steps backwards in my progress. I think that stress and changes to my schedule really led to the need to count. This week was spring break for Trevecca, so I didn't have class to teach. The extra sleep was a welcomed change but any disruption to my routine causes me to slip into OCD patterns of behavior. Funny how the brain works. As much as I love teaching, I also love a little extra sleep. Yet as a creature of habit, like most, my body still woke up at the time my alarm goes off to teach. 

The counting krept back into my world Monday and I didn't notice it was a problem till Wednesday when I was walking up stairs with a friend and was so distracted by counting I couldn't fully engage in the conversation with my friend. Sometimes the things we dislike about ourselves are the very things God uses to reach others. 

Some famous people with OCD include Albert Einstein, Beethoven, Churchill, David Beecham, and Cameron Diaz just to name a few. These people have done some pretty amazing things with their life. So I'm in good company I guess.

Monday I struggled with a day of busyness, extreme mommy guilt, another run in with the rude co worker and a trafficy commute. At the end of the day Monday I laid in bed with my hubby an had a cry fest. 

For Lent this year we decided as a couple to add something to our life instead of jumping on the lent bandwagon and giving something superficial up like many do. So we commited to reading a couples devotion each night together. The devotion Monday night was about servant love. We read the devotion and my cry fest began as I attempted to explain my struggle with not being able to stay home with addyson and cook dinner. My frustration and anger with my hubby having to get dinner ready, something I think is my job to do, and working a job that means I get home late led to endless tears. We talked through the options and talked about my expectations of what our roles should be and all that other stuff. My hubby has a way of knowing when to derail my crazy train. He looked at me and said, "let me love you by helping with dinner."

That was it, in that moment there was nothing else I could say. This isn't a post to show off how great my hubby is, although he would say he is pretty amazing. But to show that even in my worst moments of OCD or crazy cry fests there are people in my life that God has placed to remind me I'm not in this life alone.

The Lord also uses random things like Curious George to speak to me. I know, it's a stretch but that curious little monkey and the man with the yellow hat got my attention this week. One of the contributing factors leading to my cry fest is the stark reality that my "baby" is growing up. I hate that she doesn't need me as much as she used to. I hate that there will be a day that I won't need to carry her, or even be able to. I hate that in a couple years she will be in school all day and will have tons of other influences in her life. As much as I want her to stay little forever it's not reality and she is a curious little monkey like her buddy George. She seemingly has no fear, unlike her mommy who has enough fear to go around. 

One thing about the man with the yellow hat that hit me this week is that he knows how curious George is and yet he let's the monkey get into all kinds of obstacles which then become teachable moments. Isn't that how God is? He doesn't stop us from making mistakes but lovingly teaches us through the mistakes we make. He created us and knows us better than anyone.  I'm thankful that even in my counting, excessive hand washing, tears, and fears God looks at me lovingly and teaches me new things. The people He places in my life and the struggles I see as my weaknesses God is using.

So here is to living fully present in the moment today!