May has been a whirlwind month that has brought with it unexpected struggles and blessings and although its not yet over I will not be defeated by this month.
The month began with me going to a four day training for work. I had attended this type of training as a participant for two days when I was working as a school social worker, but this time I would be attending four days to become a trainer. The geeky girl in me was excited, yet my OCD brain was worried that the change in routine could be problematic. Hearing the instructors words after his introductions had me in fear..."everyone will have to take and pass the instructor test on friday." It wasn't even 9:30 am on Tuesday morning and I felt the test anxiety rise within me. I immediatly slipped into my OCD counting trap. Looked for even numbers and found myself mentally clearing my schedule so I could study each night.
The training was interesting and I felt so happy that my work allowed me to take part in it. Yet I found myself complaining each morning about the $10 parking as I walked into the building where the traing was held. Four days of training multiplied by 10 bucks a day was $40 i certanily didnt want to spend on parking. Yet as I walked to my car each aftrrnoon, I walked with a little pep in my step because, well I'm a dork, and I love learning.
Thursdsy afternoon when I got out of trainng I had to stop and pick up a few items from the grocery store for our small group which was meeting that night. Earlier in the day I found $10 in my purse. I had no idea where it came from since we never carry cash. Wondering if my hubby put it in there for me to get coffee or something, I stuffed it in a pocket and forgot about it.
As I was picking up my items I saw a mom with four kids. It caught my eye because they didn't have a cart or any items in their hands. The kids looked really tired and the mom had a desperate look in her eyes. I couldnt find what I was looking for since I wasn't familiar with this stores layout but. I seemed to be a few aisles behind the mom and kids at every turn. As I stood in the salsa aisle I noticed the mom was asking people for money. I grabbed my salsa and quickly went to get the next item on my list...I didn't have time for this, I thought to myself. Yet at the next aisle I saw her again asking someone for change so she could get some gas. The person she asked ignored her plea and walked right past her and the four children in tow behind. I headed toward the check out and saw the mom leave with her kids tagging along. When I got to the register to pay, I saw the 10 dollar bill and got a lump in my throat. Instantly I knew I had to give the mom the ten bucks I found in my purse just hours earlier.
When I left the store, I saw the mom and kids and stopped her to explain that I heard her asking for gas money. I said I usually don't have cash but did today and wanted her to have it. She grabbed me and before I realized it she was holding me in a bear hug and she was sobbing. She said "thank you so much,I asked everyone in the store and no one gave me anything". She turned to her kids and said with tears in her eyes "now we can go home." They cheered, hugged me and gave me high fives and said thank you. I got in my car and was overcome with emotion. I just sat and cried thanking God for this unexpected encounter. I cried thinking I had been complaining all week about the parking for this training that my job paid for me to attend. I cried thanking God for my job and for that random $10. I asked for forgiveness for being too busy for others and my selfishness.
It was easy to see God at work that day.
This week I faced other unexpected things and have had to look for God at work. Its not the first time in my journey with the lord that I have questioned, doubted and feared what was happening around me. Lots of things were out of my control this week. Things that didn't seem fair, times I wanted to yell out to God because I felt like He forgot about me. There have been sleepless nights and lots of tears, yet the Lord has been present. Scrubbing the floors in my OCD way till my fingers were cracked and painful got my attention. It was as if the Lord stopped me and said "you neeed to thank me even in the midst of your circumstances."
In my looking for Him I realized that I have to focus more on the things I have, than all that I am without.
Last night I sat with Addyson and looked through her "special box". A memory box that holds items from when she was a baby. Items like the outfit she wore home from the hospital, the newborn diaper that was too big for her, her id bracelet, hat and other momentos. Again in that unexpected trip down memory lane the Lord reminded me of His faithfulness. She is my daily reminder that God is still doing miracles today.
Even in the midst of struggles there are many blessings.
God is in the unexpected.
It is the unexpected gift cards from friends, the quiet times reading scripture, the bedtime prayers my toddler says, the surprise coffee with friends, the faithful prayers of Godly parents, the random photos my brother texts me and the "everythings going to be okay" embrace of my husband that remind me to be fully present in the moment.
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