It has been a week of new beginnings, disappointment, ups and downs and memories. I have had to remind myself on multiple occasions to be fully present in the moment.
The week began with my miracle baby starting preschool. As I anxiously began the first full week of my new job, my little girl excitedly began preschool.
I was doing pretty good handeling my emotions untill we got out of the car to go into preschool and I asked if she wanted to hold my hand as we walked inside. She replied "no thanks". My heart broke as I saw my all too independent girl walk into her class and say "my name is Addyson."
The crying floodgates broke wide open and the ugly cry face took over as I drove to work. When I called to check on her during my lunch break the lady who answered the preschool office phone reported Addyson was doing great and having a better first day than her mama. Isn't that the truth I thought as I told her I promise not to call everyday.
My new job has brought with it excitment as I am so happy to be doing social work stuff again. With the excitment also comes feelings of inadequacy and worry. One thing that is a change for me is the nature of the work which puts me in a variety of schools instead of one location. I'm finding the travel time between schools very freeing. The drives are usually spent praying and worshipping as I sing with the radio. And let's be honest a few tears have been shed this week in the car between appointments at schools as I think about my new full time work schedule and then reapply makeup before going to the next school. Yet God has amazingly placed the right songs on the radio at the right times to speak hope to this sad mamas heart.
To be honest, I hate the talk part of the radio and wish it was just music. But this week one of the radio people said something that has echoed in my mind and heart all week. They were talking about sending their 18 year old son off to college in another state and all the college stuf he needed, college expenses and the miles that would seperate them from their son. The radio dj mom said the following in regards to her "baby" leaving home, "I just had to come to accept that God either is or He isn't." She went on to talk about all the times God was faithful to her and yet the fears of sending her son away to college paralyzed her until she came to realize that God is! If God is everything we say He is and believe He is then God is big enough to handle it!
Hello?!? Talk about a wake up call, slap in the face moment. My drive between schools became a moment of confession and commitment to living like I believe that God is. That God is enough to handle my emotional rollercoaster. That God is The One who holds my daughters hand at preschool. The following song "I Am Set Free" by All Sons and Daughters came on the radio and I sang along feeling a sense of freedom I have never felt or experienced before!
Fast forward to the weekend spent in Texas celebrating my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary. It was a quick trip to Texas but one full of "fully present" moments with family. Seeing family I haven't seen in years, along with seeing my brother and parents was such a blessing. There were so many moments where I didn't even need to remind myself to be fully present in the moment because I was just soaking in each moment of togetherness. It was an unforgettable gift to have that time together. The icing in the cake was on Sunday morning when the same exact song was sung that I heard on the radio earlier in the week. As if God was reminding me that He is! Even in my week of saddness, disappointment, anger and excitment God is still God and He is a God of freedom.
I am living in the moment set free!
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