Life as a Pastor's Wife

In an attempt to process life as I live it I turn to the keys. Sometimes the busyness of life prevents me from processing. Since returning from a week of experiencing The Kingdom in Flint, Michigan I have found myself having to be intentional about life.

Church is a funny thing to me. Not my church, but church in general. We have turned church into a business. We forget that churches are made up of human beings. We expect all the smoke and lights and think that is what makes church relevant. We forget to love people like Jesus. We get caught up in what the people on stage are wearing and the music. Recently I heard someone older than 35 say they didn't know one of the songs. The funny thing is it was a hymm. I'm guilty of it too... I have recently learned that worship isn't something that happens in the service on sunday mornings. I must be in worship all week. I can't come to church expecting to get fed for the week. I have to be intentional about my relationship with God all week and not just at church a couple hours a week.

Growing up in a pastor's family I have experienced an inside-out view of church. Often times knowing things behind the scenes has it's advantges and disadvantages alike. At times in my growing up years I hated being a Pastor's kid, but looking back I see how God began preparing me for life as a Pastor's wife.


In talking and listening to other Pastor's wives over the past year and a half I have found many comonalities and in perfect fully present fashion it's time to process.

My fellow Pastor's Wife friends shared the bests and worsts of life in the fishbowl of being married to a pastor and I thought it's time to share a few.

Some of the most common worsts included:
-Unrealsitic expectations. "We can't be everything to everyone. We need to put our families first and sometimes this means not being there everytime the doors are open."
-Cut throat church politics.
-Finances. "Not enough salary to stay afloat. Having to work second and third jobs."
-Someone in crisis or dies right befure (or even worse) during our vacation.
-Hurtful words said with "good" intentions. "Can't tell you how many times I have heard people talk about my husband while I have been in the bathroom and they didn't know it."
-People leaving to go somewhere "better". "The reason people say they are leaving is never the real reason. We often know things others don't." "We had a family leave to go to the mega church across town. They posted numerous posts on facebook about how great their new church was and how happy they were. Little did they know behind the scenes the pastor of their new great church was having an affair. There are no perfect churches!"
-Setting boundaries.
-Seeing dysfunction in peoples lives. "Often it is so hard to see and feel hurt with people."
-Pressure to give more and be more. "We are human beings too."

The top bests of being in ministry as a Pastor's wife:
-People who love and care for our kids. "Adopted grandparents" "free babysitting, people sitting with us when our kids were sick."
-People who stand by us in our darkest days.
-Knowing we have spent our life doing things that matter
-Seeing teens question and grow in their faith. "A full house with smelly teens who don't want to leave."
-The relationships and friends even after moving to another place in ministry.
-Learning to communicate more effectivley with spouse
-God's provision time and time again. "Christmas bonuses that made Chrismas possible for our children." "Seeing His faithfulness in the hardest, poorest times." "Gas cards and groceries left on our porch."
-Faithful prayer warriors who have always covered us in prayer.
-Being part of God's bigger plan.


I am greatful for the ways the Lord has gone before me in the places of ministry we have served. But we are not immune to the hurtful words. Sometimes we just want to sleep in on Sundays too. I am especially thankful for my fellow Pastor's Wife friends who I text and call when I need support. We serve in multiple areas of the church and do things no one else sees.

So if you are reading this hug your pastor's wife tomorrow and tell her you appreciate her. And if you don't appreciate her or her hubby, do me a favor...don't talk about them in the batchroom...you never know if she is in the stall next to you.

Taking this pastor's wife journey day by day living fully present in the moment!