Finding God in the "what's next"?

Im totally thrown off today. I feel like a giant mess. Not as much on the outside as I feel inside. My mind is racing and my thoughts are jumbled. I'm feeling this way because addysons MDO was closed today due to a snow day and it has thrown off my Wednesday routine big time. On the plus side I got to spend extra time with my miracle baby and enjoyed snuggling on the couch after I taught this morning. I'm also grateful for a boss who understands mommy and ministry stuff and let me come in late.  

The disruption in my regular routine brings on the comfort of counting that comes with the ugly and unwelcome OCD monster that resides in the hallways of my mind. Like an unwanted houseguest the monster of OCD invades my space. 

Why do I count? Why can't i stop it when it first starts instead of letting it paralyze me? My counselor once told me this is how my brain was designed. I was created this way and it's not a sign of weakness and it's no ones fault. In moments like this I have to remind myself that this is how God created my brain. There are positive aspects of having OCD, yet there are also mornings like today that one blip in the schedule throws me into a dark place.

I found myself counting as I was driving downtown to meet my hubs who is picking up addyson so I can go to work. Counting lights, finding favorite numbers on license plates, counting the construction workers...and so on. God brought me back to present and with addyson asleep in the back seat I felt His presence. 

The past couple days I have encountered moments of asking, saying or thinking "God, what's next"? 

Sometimes when things seem like they can't get much worse we ask or say "God, what's next?!" Sometimes we ask it when we aren't sure or have a decision to make. I'm finding myself asking God what's next for me? How do you want me to serve you better? Who do I need to encourage? What ministry do I need to start or be a part of? How can I support my husband better? What does my church need? What's the next parenting hurdle I need to overcome? What else could go wrong? How can I know you more? 

The questions drown out the counting and the counting leads to more questions yet as we drove, my sleeping baby and I, it was as if The Lord  shouted "stop, be still my child and stop asking what's next. Be still and listen." As I sat at the light at Wedgwood and 21st The Lord got my attention in a way that nothing else has. And so I will stop, I will be still and I will listen.

Fully present in the moment...