Tears of Healing

I'm a crier. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm sad. I even cry when I see other people crying. I cry every time I leave me parents or they leave me after a visit. I cry when I pray. I cry during movies. I cry when I'm stressed. I cried today. I often feel better after a good cry.

I remember working with a client who returned from rehab. She returned a new person, naturally, after being in a rehab facility away from her addiction and all the vices it entailed. In my time as a child and family therapist, clients came and went. Some families stick out in my memory, and many helped lay a foundation as a helping professional. This particular client came back and was eager to share all she had learned in her 90 days away. She looked like a new person, far from the drug induced shell of a person I encouraged to  go to rehab months earlier. As she sat in my office she shared story after story of her time away. Making amends, meetings, new friends, and beautiful manicured fingernails were topics discussed as well as detox, regrets and crying. She shared something that has stuck with me as I interact with others. She shared that her therapist who led groups at the rehab facility corrected her one day in group. She was embarrassed at the time but  learned an incredible lesson and the tables were turned that day as i became the student learning a valuable lesson from my client.

She told me one day in group as people shared the story of their addictive behaviors one person began to cry. My client naturally got up and handed her the box of tissues when the therapist leading the group suddenly stopped her. He told my client that the tissues would remain where they were on the shelf and if anyone wanted to get one they could get up and get it themselves. She continued sharing that the therapist went on to explain that in group and at the treatment rehab it was okay to cry. Offering tissues to a person crying sends the message to them that they should stop. That it's not okay or acceptable to cry. In reality crying is a good thing, a healthy thing.

I will never forget that conversation. I will never forget what I learned that day.

As I think about the various emotions that tomorrow, Father's Day, will bring I can't help but remember the tissue box conversation that changed my perspective of crying.

I won't be able to be with my dad tomorrow on Father's Day because of the miles that separate us and I will be sad. But I have friends who will celebrate their first fathers day and that brings a sense of excitement and joy. And then there are the ones who will celebrate Father's day without their dad because of death. Tomorrow I will celebrate with my miracle baby and her great daddy. There will be cards, a gift and family time at a baseball game, and knowing me I will cry happy tears.

I think it is okay to cry. Strong people cry. Weak people hide their emotions. Crying is okay. Crying is good for you. Crying makes you feel better, but sometimes it also make you feel worse.

I heard a grieving widow once say, "don't feel bad for me when I cry in front of you...these are tears of healing." Wow, what a beautifully honest statement.

So don't feel offended if you cry in front of me and I don't offer you tissues. My tears and the tears you cry my dear friend, are tears of healing. Healing takes time. Healing hurts. Healing does happen. 

Let the tears of healing flow as you remain fully present in the moment.