Transitions...

One of my favorite quotes from the movie Hope Floats is the following: "Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts."

I find myself in the midst of transition. First let me say I hate change. I like routines, regurity and the familiar. Kinda funny that I grew up moving around what seemed like every 3-4 years. I have favorite resturants at which I order the same thing. I pick resturants first by how much I like their sweet tea and then by whether or not I'm in the mood for the one thing on the menu I always order. I'm not one to try new things or live on the edge. I'd like to think im adventurous but in reality, I'm very predictable. 

So the thought of any kind of major change brings on the OCD counting, cleaning and controlling monster. In mid June I resigned from my current job at Vanderbilt and accepted a job for a school district. This move wasn't spur of the moment. It was prayerful and something that God began preparing me for a year ago. 

In many ways I'm comfortable at my current job. Yes there are the typical stressors that any job has but for the most part it's an easy job where I have been able to use my creative, organizational and administrative skills. One of the best things about my current job has been the flexibility to be home in the mornings with Addyson these past two years. 

A year ago I was still wrestling with God about wanting to be a stay at home mom and not having to work outside the home. I had reworked the budget numerous times. Brainstormed ways to work from home.  In my anger I often questioned why ministry doesn't pay more and why God wouldn't give me what I wanted...to be a stay at home mom. 

I began praying, boldly praying that The Lord would provide. Praying that I wouldn't rely on His past faithfulness to be enough to carry me through current daily struggles. I got into the Word through Good Morning Girls bible studies. I found making my quiet time with God a priority changed me. It also made me want it more. Made me want God in a deeper way than I ever have before. A year ago I wouldn't have even considered getting back into social work full time. Thinking teaching a social work class at Trevecca was enough at first. But throughout the year God stirred within me a desire to return to my first profession, the one He called me to long before I held the title wife or mom. 

In January I stopped praying vague generic "God please provide for us" prayers and began praying specific, to the point prayers. Asking the Lord to open the door for me to work somewhere that would allow me to be home in the evenings and have summers off seemed like a huge request.

The time came for us to look at preschools for Addyson. Without knowing how we would pay for it let alone if I would actually be ready for her to go. I got a call, actually a few calls, to interview for a job that met all of my requirements. Thinking it was too good to be true I said I would interview even though I really didn't think I was at a point of changing jobs. Yes, The Lord has been preparing me for this change months in the making.

Something happens when we boldly pray. I remember driving to work praying as I often do it was as if The Lord said to my heart "just think how many lives and families you can impact if you take this job." It was in that moment that I felt overwhelming peace. The Lord answered this OCD girls bold prayers and has prepared the way for me to start my new job at the end of July. 

To be honest I'm still nervous, sad, scared and excited about this transition. The mix of emotions are real and sometimes raw. I will have 9 schools that I will travel between. My office will be my car and it will be different work every day. I will have to develop a new routine. Yes, I will have summers off, but I will be working hard for 10 months before I reap the benefit of having the summer off with my favorite girl.

Thursday night as I sat in a missionary service at our denominations district assembly I had one of those God moments. Like the kind of moment when you feel like the speaker is talking directly to you even though you are in a room of hundreds of people. The speakers wife (who couldn't be there) greeted us with a video message. In it she shared a quote from Elisabeth Elliot. It was the only thing I heard all night and pierced my soul.

Elisabeth Elliot is the wife of Jim Elliot, a missionary killed by the remote tribe he was called to minister to in Equador. Even after he was killed she remained for two years and ministered to the tribe who took her husbands life.

"This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness." Elisabeth Elliot

Wow! What a calling God has placed on my life both as a mom and a social worker. The job God has given me to do can't be taken lightly. This job as a mama and as a social worker must be done with intentionality. It must be rooted in deep bold prayers. It must be done with compassion. These job are both important.

This quote rattled my sole. The words spoke to a deep hurt place in my heart that resented the fact that I can't be a stay at home mom. Like a healing salve it renewed my heart.

This quote will be my calling and mission statement as I transition into my new job. As much as I hate change I know it is needed. Even good change is hard. 

As I focus on the job at hand I will remain fully preset in the moment!