Do Your Eyes Light Up?

I see it every day at work. Busy stressed out parents on their phones.  Now this isn't a post about the overuse and obsession our culture has with our smart phones. But yesterday as I sat at the "welcome desk" at work and saw parent after parent pick up their child with their ear glued to their phone my heart broke. Yes, I understand all too well the fact that some parents have to be on their phones. Patients, clients and families depend on their quick response to calls. I know that many of these parents have very important jobs in which life hangs in jeopardy at times and they must answer the call. But yet my heart breaks when I see parents pick up their children with a half hearted "hello how was your day?" While their attention is divided. Sometimes not even looking at their child as the hurriedly rush them out the door. Even when they aren't answering a call their eyes are glued to a little screen and their child fights for their attention.

I heard a quote from Maya Angelou years ago which has shaped my work and calling as a social worker who works with children. Yet it wasn't till I became a parent that the quote started to have true meaning.

"Do your eyes light up when you child or any child walks into a room?" 

In typical Maya Angelou style, the quote pierces the heart. It is a quote I repeat in my head daily as I walk into Addysons room each morning to get her up. "Do your eyes light up?" 

When I worked as a child and family therapist it was the basis of my work. As I walked into the lobby to great a client, a hurting family, a hopeless teen, a broken spirit; I made sure my eyes lit up. Seeing a child,  my child, or any child...I make sure my eyes light up. This involves somuch  more than a customary hello informality. It is the joy of seeing that child that is evident in your eyes. It is love. It is compassion.

Finding out I was pregnant was shocking and exciting, but till I held my precious newborn miracle in my arms I hadn't truly lived. I'll never forget the moment in the delivery room when the drill sergeant nurse told Andy to "hold a leg". We laugh about it now, but it was in those moments of labor that I truly felt delivered of all the fears and worries I carried with me for the 9 months of pregnancy. The questions of "is this for real?" "Will I actually hold my baby here on earth or in heaven?" were honest questions that I never confessed out loud. Andy "held a leg" and was the first to lay eyes on our miracle baby. He saw her enter this world and I saw it...his eyes lit up. As they handed addyson to me all I could say was "thank you." It was as if in that miraculous moment the Lord was right there and I couldn't help but thank Him. 

So when I see parents with their children and after hours of not seeing their child they can't cut a phone call short or respond to that email later, my heart hurts. I hurt for the child who wants their parents attention and I hurt for the parent who is missing the opportunity to truly see their child. To show their child the joy and excitement they have in seeing them after the hours of being a part. 

My boss understands this concept. Although I'm not sure if she is familiar with the Maya Angelou quote she definitly understands the concept of lit up eyes. When she sees her son, who also attends our school, her eyes light up. She has genuine joy and excitement to see him. And it doesn't matter what she is doing at the time she stops and greets him with love and excitement. She gets it! 

So my question is "do your eyes light up?" If you work with kids, do your eyes light up when you see them? If you are a teacher do your eyes light up when those students come into your classroom? Yes, even the one who you secretly wish could be absent...your eyes may be the only eyes that he sees light up. So do your eyes light up? Tired, sleep deprived mama...do your eyes light up?

As I get ready to go into work...I'm counting down the hours till I get to see my precious miracle baby tonight. Till I see her, my eyes will light up when I see the children at school. Tonight when I see my Addyson, my eyes will light up. Seeing her keeps me fully present in the moment each day!

Looking for God in the Unexpected

I have sat down to blog over and over again this past month and haven't had the words. I have many posts in the works but havent had the time or emotional energy to finish and post.

May has been a whirlwind month that has brought with it unexpected struggles and blessings and although its not yet over I will not be defeated by this month.

The month began with me going to a four day training for work. I had attended this type of training as a participant for two days when I was working as a school social worker, but this time I would be attending four days to become a trainer. The geeky girl in me was excited, yet my OCD brain was worried that the change in routine could be problematic. Hearing the instructors words after his introductions had me in fear..."everyone will have to take and pass the instructor test on friday." It wasn't even 9:30 am on Tuesday morning and I felt the test anxiety rise within me. I immediatly slipped into my OCD counting trap. Looked for even numbers and found myself mentally clearing my schedule so I could study each night.

The training was interesting and I felt so happy that my work allowed me to take part in it. Yet I found myself complaining each morning about the $10 parking as I walked into the building where the traing was held. Four days of training multiplied by 10 bucks a day was $40 i certanily didnt want to spend on parking. Yet as I walked to my car each aftrrnoon, I walked with a little pep in my step because, well I'm a dork, and I love learning.

 Thursdsy afternoon when I got out of trainng I had to stop and pick up a few items from the grocery store for our small group which was meeting that night. Earlier in the day I found $10 in my purse. I had no idea where it came from since we never carry cash. Wondering if my hubby put it in there for me to get coffee or something, I stuffed it in a pocket and forgot about it.

 As I was picking up my items I saw a mom with four kids. It caught my eye because they didn't have a cart or any items in their hands. The kids looked really tired and the mom had a desperate look in her eyes. I couldnt find what I was looking for since I wasn't familiar with this stores layout but. I seemed to be a few aisles behind the mom and kids at every turn. As I stood in the salsa aisle I noticed the mom was asking people for money. I grabbed my salsa and quickly went to get the next item on my list...I didn't have time for this, I thought to myself. Yet at the next aisle I saw her again asking someone for change so she could get some gas. The person she asked ignored her plea and walked right past her and the four children in tow behind. I headed toward the check out and saw the mom leave with her kids tagging along. When I got to the register to pay, I saw the 10 dollar bill and got a lump in my throat. Instantly I knew I had to give the mom the ten bucks I found in my purse just hours earlier.

When I left the store, I saw the mom and kids and stopped her to explain that I heard her asking for gas money. I said I usually don't have cash but did today and wanted her to have it. She grabbed me and before I realized it she was holding me in a bear hug and she was sobbing. She said "thank you so much,I asked everyone in the store and no one gave me anything". She turned to her kids and said with tears in her eyes "now we can go home." They cheered, hugged me and gave me high fives and said thank you. I got in my car and was overcome with emotion. I just sat and cried thanking God for this unexpected encounter. I cried thinking I had been complaining all week about the parking for this training that my job paid for me to attend. I cried thanking God for my job and for that random $10. I asked for forgiveness for being too busy for others and my selfishness.
It was easy to see God at work that day.

This week I faced other unexpected things and have had to look for God at work. Its not the first time in my journey with the lord that I have questioned, doubted and feared what was happening around me. Lots of things were out of my control this week. Things that didn't seem fair, times I wanted to yell out to God because I felt like He forgot about me. There have been sleepless nights and lots of tears, yet the Lord has been present. Scrubbing the floors in my OCD way till my fingers were cracked and painful got my attention. It was as if the Lord stopped me and said "you neeed to thank me even in the midst of your circumstances."

 In my looking for Him I realized that I have to focus more on the things I have, than all that I am without.

Last night I sat with Addyson and looked through her "special box". A memory box that holds items from when she was a baby. Items like the outfit she wore home from the hospital, the newborn diaper that was too big for her, her id bracelet, hat and other momentos. Again in that unexpected trip down memory lane the Lord reminded me of His faithfulness. She is my daily reminder that God is still doing miracles today.

Even in the midst of struggles there are many blessings.

God is in the unexpected. 

It is the unexpected gift cards from friends, the quiet times reading scripture, the bedtime prayers my toddler says, the surprise coffee with friends, the faithful prayers of Godly parents, the random photos my brother texts me and the  "everythings going to be okay" embrace of my husband that remind me to be fully present in the moment.