We Don't Know The Whole Story

I have had an amazing yet extremely tiring week. Spending the week with 13 teenagers is exhausting. I feel really old and think to myself how long will I be able to do these kind of youth trips? 

Even though I'm tired and can't wait to sleep in my own bed and get a manicure (I know first world problems) it has been so exciting to be with people who want to serve others. For me getting up each morning to cook breakfast has been refreshing, yet I'm ready to "sleep in" a little. 

One of the greatest take away lessons I have learned this week is that we don't know the whole story. So many times im guilty of judging others, making assumptions and  turning away. I have been convicted to stop turning away and I start getting to know people around me. Being Christ to them means taking time to get to know them and listening to their story. Everyone has a story to tell. We judge people and we don't know their story. We don't know what they are going through or have experienced. We don't know the whole story. 

The stories of Tyrone who was living in the abandon house we were boarding up and the neighbor lady who was watching out for him, feeding him and taking care of him. Pastor Chris share about Robert. Talking with Shantey and meeting her children. Realizing I had so much in common with her and helping her get connected with Little Lambs.

This week has caused me to really reflect on my own life. this week i have craved serving others and I feel like my family has been changed because of serving together this week. I don't even know what the means or what that will look like when we get home. 

I know that Andy has caught a glimpse o the Kingdom and we won't go back home to Nashville the same. I want my life, our marriage and our family to reflect more of Christ. For us that means getting to know our neighbors, serving our church, meeting the needs of the hurting and seeing the invisible people. God has renewed my heart and opened my eyes to the Kingdom. My family and I will be Kingdom living from now on.

I am excited to see what God will do when we get home. I can't wait to tell my mommy warriors. I need to get out of my own way so that I can see the Kingdom. 

Thankful to be fully present in this moment.

Quiet Moments

This week my husband and I have had the privilege of spending the week with some great teens. But let me tell ya...never say never. I said I would never marry a pastor and yet here I am on a mission trip with my pastor hubby and 16 teenagers! The job of a pastor is tough but for all of you who think the job of a youth pastor is all games and playing around on Facebook have clearly never been on a mission trip with teenagers. 

We are in the tenses of raising a toddler and sometimes I feel like being with teenagers is like being with a toddler. It amazes me that people think youth ministry is all fun and games. 

There are so many things fighting for the attention of our teenagers and between Facebook, Instagram and twitter not to mention the temptations of a media world saturated with images of violence, sex,  and pornography it is a battle. Yet I have seen teenagers this week who want more than that. They are seeking the Kingdom and love to serve. Now don't get me wrong I have also seen teenagers whining, annoying each other and pushing my limits of patience. But what sticks out the most is their heart for serving others. It is also the love and camaraderie they have for each other that reflects the Kingdom. I see God in them web I see them interact with my toddler Addyson. They get down on her level and pay attention to her. They laugh with her and play with her and love her! This blesses my heart so much. I know that they are showing her Christ's   example of love. 

My job this week has been to shop for and cook all he meals for the team. It has been a tough job yet a joy at the same time. I underestimated the amount of food teenagers eat...especially teen boys!   

But  my favorite time this week has been in the quiet moments before everyone wakes up and I'm cooking and setting out breakfast. It's as if I'm right there with Jesus and he is speaking to me in that kitchen. I pray for the day and the teens and the people they will encounter. In those quiet moments I pray for my husband and that The Lord will guide him as he has he responsibility to lead this group. I pray for chris, the youth pastor here that is bringing us a message very night. And I pray for tasks that I would reflect Christ.

 Sometimes I feel like I'm failing...like when I thought 5 lbs of meat would feed everyone the first night. Or when I lack patience. But each morning God brings me back it the kitchen and speaks to me. Challenges my heart in such a loving way that I want to reflect Him.

Today I am so thankful for the quiet mornings  I get to spend with Him fully present in the moment.

Girl Car vs. Man Van

I spent Monday driving from Nashville to Flint, Michigan for our C3 mission trip. Thankfully I was driving the girls and not riding in Man Van. I could only imagine the sounds and smells that van experienced. 

My car was a quiet car and most of my ride was spent in prayer. Praying for the three girls riding in the car. Two teens and a toddler. Kinda funny how much they had in common.

 The teen girls were content with listening to their iPhones and Addyson, the toddler was content with watching Curious George. Both the toddler and the teens got cranky, sleepy, and hungry.

 All three girls, although at very different stages of life, need me. As they rode in my car, I drove in silent prayer. Praying that this would be a life changing trip for them. Praying they would experience the love of God in a new way.   Praying for their future husbands. Praying that they would make good decisions. Praying that they would somehow see God through me. This is what really stopped me. Wow, it was as if I slammed on the brakes. I was stunned to think about how these girls look up to me. Even If they wouldn't admit it they are looking up to me. Does my life reflect a life of love? Do I reflect God? What kind of influence am i? What do the people that are around me see? 

When Addyson is a teen who will she look up to? Who will influence her? 

My prayer is that I can be fully present in the moment as I show love to these three girls this week.

Twas the night before the mission trip

'Twas the night before the mission trip, when all thro' the house
every creature was stirring, especially my spouse;
The bags were packed by the wife with care,
In hopes that our group would soon would be there;
The youth pastor was nestled all snug in the bed,
While visions of ministry danc'd in his head...
I can't believe that the mission trip we began planning in September begins tomorrow! It's hard to believe with all of the planning, preparation and praying will result in 16 people going to my home church tomorrow for a week of loving God and loving others.

My parents moved to Flint, Michigan while I was in college at Trevecca. One of the hardest things for me was coming "home" to a place I had never been. But tonight I am so excited to go back home.

After grad school I landed my dream job as a school social worker and began working at the Academy of Flint. The three years I worked there I experienced many emotions. There were days I came home from work and slept for hours because I was emotionally exhausted. I was threatened, had my hub caps stolen multiple times, sat with kids in the ER till their parents came, collected coats and shoes every winter, became the voice for children who were helpless, packed up backpacks of food so families could eat over the weekend and faced some of the biggest challenges in my career, yet would do it all again. Because I know that it made a difference to Datwan, Aniah, Marvin, Keyshaira, Michael, and other children at the Academy of Flint.

My life looks so much different from the days "Ms. Bowser" walked the halls of that school in Flint. Four years later I will return to the hurting community I once served. Tomorrow my husband and our daughter along with a group of teens will driveto Flint, to a community that needs to experience the hope and love of Christ.

I feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve...I can hardly wait for morning! My heart is overjoyed that tomorrow begins my vacation...a vacation spent in ministry. My role will be to cook and prepare meals for our team. What better way to spend a week off of work than to serve others. I'm not sure what the week will hold...we have planned a week of ministry projects, but my prayer is that the Lord will interrupt our plans with His plan. I pray that I can get over myself; my worries, fear and selfishness and serve. I pray that I will be so fully present in the moment that my life reflects Him in everything I do this week.

I need God more than I need Krispy Kreme

I recently heard a song on the radio and it stopped me in my tracks. Not literally because I was driving and that would have been dangerous, but figuratively. I also happened to be craving the delicious goodness of Krispy Kreme donuts at the same time. Ironic how the Lord speaks to me huh?

There are so many times that I fall prey to the "gotta haves" and "I wants" yet I forget the only thing I really need. I desperately NEED the Lord. I need His strength to go to work and deal with drama. I need Him to help me in youth ministry, especially in the upcoming week as we will be on a Mission Trip. I need His strength as I am parenting a very independent toddler. I need Him to help me be a wife to Andy. I really need the Lord to help me resist turning to food for comfort. I most definitely need God to help me resist the darkness of OCD.

So the words of  this song have been my prayer as I try to live fully present in the moment.

10 Things Your Pastor's Wife Needs

1.) To hear you speak positively about her husband. When you talk about my husband in a negative way I hear it. I hear the comments and the "jokes" and I may even try to laugh it off, but it hurts me. It hurts me to hear people put my husband down. Because when you talk bad about him you are talking bad about me. We are a team and we both need to hear about the positive things happening in our ministry.
2.) Encouragement and Support. Not only do I need you to speak positively about my husband I also need encouragement. I need people to encourage my family and to support our ministry.
3.) No expectations. I put a lot of pressure on myself and it would help a whole lot if other people didn't heap the pressure on my already heavy load. I think that we inherently have this expectation of how a pastor's wife should look, talk, and act. But we are human and we need to feel accepted without expectations. One of the greatest gifts my husband gave me is permission to not have to be involved in every aspect of church. There are things I choose to do and areas I feel called to be involved in, but I appreciate that he doesn't expect me to do and be everything. It would help a lot if others could be that gracious.
4.) Unexpected Gift Cards. Now let me explain...I am not including this in the list because I want people to feel sorry for me or because I'm selfishly asking for something. God is and always has provided for my family. But I can't tell you how much of a blessing it is when people have given us gift cards. Especially at random times, not just during an announced "pastor's appreciation month". The random gift cards that people have given my family have come at the exact moment of our greatest need. Early in our current ministry and before I was able to start working there was a week that we had $37.00 and no groceries. Someone randomly gave us a publix gift card and I can't even begin to explain what an answer to prayer it was and a huge blessing. Recently, two friends gave me gift cards for my birthday, one for a manicure and one to Starbucks. What a huge blessing that was to have the resource to pamper myself.
5.) Prayer. Please pray for your Pastor and their family. Pray diligently and regularly for the Lord's protection, provision and wisdom as they minister to others.
6.) To hear you pray for her family. Not only do we need to know that you are praying for us we need to hear you pray. When I hear you pray for my husband, I know that you care. When I hear you pray for our ministry, I know that you are invested in us and what the Lord has called us to do.
7.) You to be involved. I don't care if you are at a mega church with a full staff or a small church with one Pastor. We need you to be involved. Yes, we may get paid to be there, but we sure could use an extra hand setting up chairs, cleaning up after events and helping in the church. When I see you beside my husband helping, I am encouraged.
8.) Friendship. It broke my heart when we had lunch with another pastor's family one time and they shared that people rarely ask them to lunch on Sundays. Don't underestimate the power of friendship. If you are in ministry look to other pastor's families for camaraderie and support. There are times when I call or text friends who are fellow pastor's wives for encouragement and support, they act as a lifeline to help remind me of my calling and that I'm not alone.
9.) Someone to listen. I may not share the ins and outs of ministry with you, but it would be nice to have someone listen. Ask me about my family, my job, or really anything and then listen. I have found in talking to other Pastor's wives that they are the usual sounding board for others. Yet they need someone to listen to them and give them a chance to talk.
10.) The benefit of the doubt. We are human and there are no super powers that come with the title of Pastor or Pastor's Wife. Please realize that we make mistakes, forget things and don't always have it all together. We are human and we need to be given the benefit of the doubt.

I am so grateful for the people in my life who support me and simply let me be me. I am new to this Pastor's Wife thing and although I grew up in a Pastor's family there are different challenges that I face as I support my husband. I want to be a good example to the people God has called us to serve but to be honest sometimes I'm tired and I would even admit there have been times in the past that I haven't wanted to go to church but didn't really have the option to just stay home. I am thankful for the Lord's healing touch in my life and showing me that I am called to love. Sometimes I think it is easier to love people outside of church, people who "don't know any better" than it is to love people who "should know better."

If you are a pastor's wife and need to know you are not alone please contact me. And if you attend a church and haven't encouraged someone on staff please don't hesitate to show your support. This might be the day they need it the most!

Above all seek the Lord and be fully present in His presence.

Tripping Up The Stairs

Yesterday I had the unfortunate event of falling up the stairs...yup you read that write. I tripped and fell up the stairs. This wouldn't be so bad if I was fortunate enough to do so in the privacy of my own home, but nope this happened on the grand staircase in the Peabody library at Vanderbilt University. No worries, I am okay and wasn't injured just a little embarrassed.

Stairs happen to be one of my hidden OCD downfalls (no pun intended). It wasn't until the peak of my OCD struggles that I even was fully aware of how problematic counting had become. I remember standing in a stairway in the School of Social Work building at the University of Michigan while my friends were all talking and walking down the stairs. It was as if I was frozen in place. One friend asked me a question and turned around when I didn't answer. I was frozen because I was counting. Counting the steps. They were all still talking and had moved down the steps. I asked my fellow social work buddy if she thought it was weird that I count steps. She said "just a little" and laughed nonchalantly. The ironic thing is we were leaving our Mental Health and Mental Disorders class.

Yesterdays stair tripping incident made me think of that day in grad school. It's funny how something like tripping up the stairs reminded me of how far I have come. I am grateful for the progress I have made and the growth I am seeing in my own life. Yet, i realise that I am just one stair away from tripping up. It's kind of funny hod God speaks to me sometimes. It was as if He said "just keep going, don't look back." I didn't want to look back afraid everyone saw my clumsy moment, but it is too often when we face challenging times we look back more than we look forward.

I don't know what you are facing today, but you are not alone. For so many years I hid parts of my life ashamed and embarrassed of what other would think of me. The more I share my story, the more I hear challenging stories from other people. We all have things in our lives we try to hide or avoid. I don't know what kind of worries or fears you face but be encouraged and keep moving forward. I have been reminded time and time again about this promise in 2 Timothy 1:7 and it is one of the verses that I cling to in moments of fear.

 ^"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

 

Today I will choose to cling to God's power and love and be fully present in the moment.