10 Things Your Pastor's Wife Needs

1.) To hear you speak positively about her husband. When you talk about my husband in a negative way I hear it. I hear the comments and the "jokes" and I may even try to laugh it off, but it hurts me. It hurts me to hear people put my husband down. Because when you talk bad about him you are talking bad about me. We are a team and we both need to hear about the positive things happening in our ministry.
2.) Encouragement and Support. Not only do I need you to speak positively about my husband I also need encouragement. I need people to encourage my family and to support our ministry.
3.) No expectations. I put a lot of pressure on myself and it would help a whole lot if other people didn't heap the pressure on my already heavy load. I think that we inherently have this expectation of how a pastor's wife should look, talk, and act. But we are human and we need to feel accepted without expectations. One of the greatest gifts my husband gave me is permission to not have to be involved in every aspect of church. There are things I choose to do and areas I feel called to be involved in, but I appreciate that he doesn't expect me to do and be everything. It would help a lot if others could be that gracious.
4.) Unexpected Gift Cards. Now let me explain...I am not including this in the list because I want people to feel sorry for me or because I'm selfishly asking for something. God is and always has provided for my family. But I can't tell you how much of a blessing it is when people have given us gift cards. Especially at random times, not just during an announced "pastor's appreciation month". The random gift cards that people have given my family have come at the exact moment of our greatest need. Early in our current ministry and before I was able to start working there was a week that we had $37.00 and no groceries. Someone randomly gave us a publix gift card and I can't even begin to explain what an answer to prayer it was and a huge blessing. Recently, two friends gave me gift cards for my birthday, one for a manicure and one to Starbucks. What a huge blessing that was to have the resource to pamper myself.
5.) Prayer. Please pray for your Pastor and their family. Pray diligently and regularly for the Lord's protection, provision and wisdom as they minister to others.
6.) To hear you pray for her family. Not only do we need to know that you are praying for us we need to hear you pray. When I hear you pray for my husband, I know that you care. When I hear you pray for our ministry, I know that you are invested in us and what the Lord has called us to do.
7.) You to be involved. I don't care if you are at a mega church with a full staff or a small church with one Pastor. We need you to be involved. Yes, we may get paid to be there, but we sure could use an extra hand setting up chairs, cleaning up after events and helping in the church. When I see you beside my husband helping, I am encouraged.
8.) Friendship. It broke my heart when we had lunch with another pastor's family one time and they shared that people rarely ask them to lunch on Sundays. Don't underestimate the power of friendship. If you are in ministry look to other pastor's families for camaraderie and support. There are times when I call or text friends who are fellow pastor's wives for encouragement and support, they act as a lifeline to help remind me of my calling and that I'm not alone.
9.) Someone to listen. I may not share the ins and outs of ministry with you, but it would be nice to have someone listen. Ask me about my family, my job, or really anything and then listen. I have found in talking to other Pastor's wives that they are the usual sounding board for others. Yet they need someone to listen to them and give them a chance to talk.
10.) The benefit of the doubt. We are human and there are no super powers that come with the title of Pastor or Pastor's Wife. Please realize that we make mistakes, forget things and don't always have it all together. We are human and we need to be given the benefit of the doubt.

I am so grateful for the people in my life who support me and simply let me be me. I am new to this Pastor's Wife thing and although I grew up in a Pastor's family there are different challenges that I face as I support my husband. I want to be a good example to the people God has called us to serve but to be honest sometimes I'm tired and I would even admit there have been times in the past that I haven't wanted to go to church but didn't really have the option to just stay home. I am thankful for the Lord's healing touch in my life and showing me that I am called to love. Sometimes I think it is easier to love people outside of church, people who "don't know any better" than it is to love people who "should know better."

If you are a pastor's wife and need to know you are not alone please contact me. And if you attend a church and haven't encouraged someone on staff please don't hesitate to show your support. This might be the day they need it the most!

Above all seek the Lord and be fully present in His presence.