Everyday, Ordinary Life

Back to life...back to reality. I have always somewhat lived from event to event. Countdowns, to do lists and planning is a natural part of my personality which I could blame on the OCD, but have learned to accept as just a part of me. Since being home from our Mission Trip last week and seeing The Kingdom I have really struggled with getting back to "normal" life. I can't get the images, peoples faces and the fun we had serving beside our C3 teens out of my mind. 

To be honest, I would rather be back in Flint right about now. I definitly love sleeping in my own bed, but feel like i'm suffering from Post Trip Depression. Ok maybe I made that diagnosis up, but i'm feeling a little down since we have been back in Nashville. After a week of working hard and serving others I feel like I haven't accomplished much here at home. Each night of the trip I would lay down on my slightly deflated air mattress and reflect on all that we accmplished that day. Working besides our teens was a refreshing break from the mundane ordinary life here at home. Sure, I have done loads of laundry, grocery shopping and even picked out a new preschool for Addyson since we returned, but I don't have that I made a difference feeling like I had all last week. I guess it's just the return to everyday ordinary life that has me feeling a little down. Or the fact that I not only served along side my teens last week but with my family as well and it's hard not waking up knowing I will see them today that has me feeling sad. 

I remember this feeling after graduating from Grad school, our wedding, having Addyson, after family holidays together and other mission trips. It's just that let down of something you have looked forward to and planned for and then it's just over. Why is it that the time it takes before a big trip, event or vacation takes forever to get here and then the event or trip itself flies by?

 I think another reason that this week was different is due to my intentional choice of being fully present in the moment all throughout our week in Flint. Last night we let our teens share their most memorable moment and their Kingdom or God moment from the trip. It was refreshing to hear teens share where they saw God. I am humbled by the response to my last blog post about seeing the Kingdom. I hope it serves as a challenge to have Kingdom eyes. I guess I wonder how that will all play out in my daily life and community. With the upcoming changes in our family like Addyson starting preschool and my new job I pray that I have my eyes open for opportunities to share God's love. 

While we were with our C3 teens this week anohter team from our church was serving in Africa. I can't wait to hear how their lives were changed this past week. but reality is that you don't have to drive 10 hours to Flint or fly across the world to Africa to see the Kingdom and serve others. I want more than anything for my church, our teens and people around me to have a passion for worship and serving God through loving others. How do I get others excited about this? 

Before our trip to Flint the Lord gave me a verse from Romans 12: 1 in the Message and since being home I can't get it out of my head: "So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

How do I live an intentional life loving God and loving others? The only answer I have is to continue to place my life before God by being fully present in the moment.

The Kingdom

The summer of 2008 I spent a month serving through Nazarene Disaster Response after Iowa was devastated by flooding. It was the first time I experienced the Kingdom of God. Before going to Iowa I only thought of the Kingdom of God as going to heaven, something far off.

My faith deepened the summer I was in Iowa. I will never forget getting the call that they needed traumatologist to go and help the flood victims and first responders deal with the emotional effects of disaster. I knew I had to go.

 I fell in love with serving. It was as if the broken pieces of my life became whole as I lived out of a suitcase, took cold showers and ate from Red Cross trucks. I truly believe God used that trip to open my eyes to the selfishness that consumed me. I saw, touched, smelled, experienced and ate things that my OCD self never even imagined was possible. 

That month changed my heart. It changed my heart to see people differently. It's funny how this week has reminded me of that month in Iowa years ago.

This week my husband and I have been with our teens on a mission trip in Flint, Michigan.

I have seen the Kingdom this week. I am seeing a glimpse of Christ. I see Christ in our teens as they serve and I see Christ in the eyes of people we are serving.

I saw the Kingdom this week at the Detroit tigers game when one of our teens traded seats so a dad and his son could sit next to each other at their very first baseball game. The Kingdom of God is at baseball games.

I see the Kingdom in my husband who has a passion for helping teens learn to love God and love others even though at some point on every youth trip he says "I think I'm too old for this."

I saw the Kingdom when nine year old Darnell got a bike and then came back and waited with us on the bounce house company to come pick up the bounce house he played in. I saw the Kingdom in my brother who let Darnell play games on his phone while we waited. We found out Darnell wants to be a lawyer when he grows up or a cage fighter if being a lawyer doesn't work out. I saw the Kingdom in my brother as he talked to Darnell. I saw the Kingdom in Darnell.

I saw the Kingdom in our teens as they boarded up houses, painted, worked together carrying tools, lumber and swaped chips on our lunch break. They were exposed to things so far from their suburban Ray-Ban Sperry Starbucks Chaco lives. Their eyes were opened to communities and people much different from their own. They learned a lesson on the "tour of Flint" when they laughed at and took pictures of the guy in front of Taco Bell. They won't forget him as later that night they were challenged to see people as "their true selves, their child of God selves." Teens are the Kingdom no matter where they come from.

I saw the Kingdom as children's eyes lite up as they rode new bikes. I saw the Kingdom as people ate hot dogs and burgers. As the grill fired up and people came out they experienced the Kingdom. 

I saw the Kingdom in the mom who came on the trip and cooked our meals. She cooked without complaining. She kept us well fed and made sweet tea. Yes, I saw the Kingdom in a glass of cold sweat tea!

I see the Kingdom in my parents who tirelessly cared for Addyson so we could be free to be with our teens.  I see the Kingdom when our teens love Addyson. When she sees them and their eyes light up, when they include her and stop what they are doing to talk to her. They are showing her what the Kingdom looks like. I see the Kingdom every time I look at my miracle baby.

The Kingdom of God is near. It's 10 hours from where I live, it's in my neighborhood, it's in our youth ministry. The Kingdom is here. I want to have Kingdom eyes. Where do you see the Kingdom?

Being fully present in the moment helps me see the Kingdom.

Choices...

Everyday we make choices. Good choices and bad choices surround us and navigate through our schema. I have been reminded lately that I can choose to bless The Lord, regardless of my situations. The song "10,000 Reasons (bless The Lord)" has been in my mind all week. The words are powerful yet have drawn me back to the choice we have to worship The Lord in the midst of the junk this life gives us. Life is hard and well...sometimes life sucks. Situations we experience, loss, and disappointment all can suck the life right out of us. Without choosing to turn to Christ in the midst of the chaotic world we live in we can drown in unknowns, comparisons and doubts. Yet we worship a God who is there in the midst of all that junk. 

I'm a recovering over commiting, people pleasing, can't say no-a-holic. This way of life left me burned out. It left me burned out as a social worker. Im not afraid to admit it, it even left me burned out on religion. So instead of commiting to everything like my old ways, I stood on the outskirts, was aloof and hid behind my baby, who had become my security blanket in a sense.

 I used to struggle with wanting to look, talk, and be like everyone else. I thought I had a handle on it until I moved here and yet again wasn't part of the "in crowd" at church. Funny how sometimes we feel the most excluded at church, the one place where everyone should feel like they belong right? I wasn't sure of my place and purpose amongst the people I was called to serve through youth ministry. I could blame it on the nature of ministry, being a pastors wife or even my OCD, but I began looking at it like it was a choice. In reality I was choosing to let the popular people get to me. Choosing to have pity parties and other distructive thought patterns seized my rational brain. 

Tonight I am choosing to bless the Lord. I am choosing to pray when i'd rather complain. I am choosing to read the word daily and being intentional about sharing verses with friends. I am choosing to worship the Lord even though I may not like the songs or music style, or gasp...the platform arrangement on a given sunday. I'm choosing to stop listening to the whiny bad attitdes and start being a part of the change. I am choosing to
tune out the negative "this is how we've always done it or it will never work that way" people so I can hear the voice of the Lord. I'm choosing to give to others even if it means going without. I'm choosing joy.

I am choosing to be fully present in the moment.