Warning: I'm about to get real honest!

Last night in our small group my hubby and I shared our story. It's funny how daunting the task is when you have the same "I grew up in a christian family" story as everyone else in the room. But we shared openly about the challenges we face. Challenges of being in ministry and yet being so tired at the same time. The disappointments, struggles and desire to not wear the happy face.  

I think one of our greatest challenges rightnow is  breaking   through what we call "affluenza". We can't change the fact that our church is made up of affluent families and centered in an affluent community, but we feel called to break down that barrier and meet needs.

Let's be honest, sometimes I feel unaccepted in my own church because we don't live in a big house on the "right" side of town. I'm not able to be a traditional stay at home mom and we don't drive nice cars or wear the clothes you wear. We are simply doing the best we can to get by. We struggle to pay bills and make ends meet. We are bargain hunters and cut coupons. We rent a townhouse and love when friends bless us with hand me downs. 

Let me be honest...We are so blessed! That town house we rent is our home. It's where our daughter learned to walk. We don't have a lot but we have more than others. Before we put  Addyson   to bed at night we pray as a family and talk about the day. Those are the things that make me feel like the richest woman in the world. We have an amazing group of friends who support us and send us encouraging "perfect timing" text messages or calls or cards. We are able to serve teens who go into our pantry and fridge and literally help themselves to whatever they find. They even ask what brand is this?...when they hold  food from Aldi :) 

So to be perfectly honest I have the same dreams as you even though I don't look like you or live like you. 

Lately my heart has been so broken for others. I have had the opportunity since January to get to know a man who sells The Contributer, a newspaper written and sold by former or current people who are homeless. His smile and cheerfulness would greet me each Monday, Wednesday and Friday as I would stop and get a sweet tea from McDonald's before going to teach at Trevecca. I got worried this summer that something happened to him since he wasn't at his usual spot. Knowing he had suffered through pneumonia this spring I feared the worst, that he had died. A couple weeks ago on a Saturday morning we saw him and stopped to catch up. He shared joyfully how blessed he is and had a construction job that allowed him to work and as a result wasn't having to sell the paper as much. He was so honest and appreciative for the job he had but also for the opportunity to work.

I felt like a proud mama in a weird way because I knew a tiny bit of his struggles from our weekly chats and coffee/Contributer exchange. 

I guess to be honest I'm tired of church and Christians not being Christ. I want to be part of a people who love God and love others more than anything else.  

I want to live out James 4:7-10 "so let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet."

Just want to be honest. The fun and games are over, I want to get serious about serving and living for Him.