From where I sit...

From where I sit in Panera I see it all. Next to me is an older couple discussing retirement. To the left side of me sit a couple, my parents age, discussing the need for a date night as they scarf down lunch while both on their phones texting and checking emails. Beside them is a group of 3 high school girls squawking loudly about a girl who wore plaid.  Looking straight ahead I see a table of 4 plain dressed cops. Two of which are women. From my seat I also see a table of three moms with their toddlers. I can also see a oh so in love couple staring into each other's eyes, eatting way too close for comfort.

 And then there is me. Sitting alone eatting Mac and cheese.

Every stage of life is represented within my eyesight at this moment. Funny how I have had no words to blog the past few days and then all of a sudden I can't type fast enough to get the words in my mind out.

Where do I fit into this panera paradox? Who am I the most like? Which panera table do I want to be at? 

Why do we always want what we don't have? Why can't we be really satisfied with the life we have? 

I feel like I'm stuck in a sociology movie clip or a commercial or something. Insert cheesy "all are welcome here" panera tag line. But seriously why don't more churches look like panera? Now this isn't  a post about whether or not churches should have small tables with comfy chairs and coffee served. It's about looking around and seeing people. 

Seeing them for who they are and where they are. It's about being happy with the life I have and this time of my life. It's about being fully present. 

Christian communities aren't exempt from "the grass is greener on the other side" mentality. 

I'm not afraid to admit that i can look around panera and even my church and think "I wish I had their life" ' "they have it made" , "she never has to worry about..." "She's so lucky because..." and all those other lies that swarm our subconscious.

Siting here now I wish I was at the table of moms with my little girl. To be able to go  to lunch with fiends in the middle of the work day would be so fun. I also wish I was at the love bug table looking at my hubby with googly eyes. And to sit at the retiree table  with no work to go back to would be nice too. 

But I can only sit at my table. I can only live my life. I can only be myself. 

Last week I got a text from my aunt and it encouraged me so much. After sharing this

picture of addyson praying during small group in her princess dress she sent me the following: 

"That pic of Addyson praying is breathtaking! Aren't you glad you let her wear her princess dress and crown? Of course, there will be days you will have to say no to wearing the princess dress (or whatever it happens to be that day) but last night you said yes and you can tell from the picture she was so content being who she was. Babies don't just come out of the womb and appear in pictures like this, it takes the influence of Godly parents. You are a great mom!

I know if you could, you would want to be home with Addyson instead of going to work, but probably without even realizing it, here are a few of the things you are teaching Addyson:

1. TRUST-When mommy goes away (to work) she comes back. She trusts you because you always come back.

2. APPRECIATION-Addyson's time with you is special to her because you aren't together 24/7. Remember it's quality over quantity.

3. CONFIDENCE: Addyson is a confident little girl....partly because she spends time away from you. 

Remember, you're doing this (working) for HER... You're not working to buy fancy clothes or to own a summer beach house! You provide for her in so many ways....emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. God said He would provide for our needs-He didn't specify how and he didn't say it would be easy, in fact, he didn't even say that we would necessarily like it-but He did say he would provide......and He is.

I am confident in this-that God NEVER makes mistakes-He knows you'd rather be home with Addyson instead of working-and yet, at least for now, this is His plan. I don't think He ever intended for his plan to include guilt so I pray that you will begin to see the positives in working and that a sense of peace will replace the guilt you feel. You are a great mom to Addyson and you and Andy are awesome parents."

I am so thankful for this reminder. Such words of wisdom from Aunt Dar. The words pull me back from going down "the grass is greener on the other side" path of destruction.

The retiree couple left and now two ladies sat down ad are talking about their doggie daycare. One lady just told the other se took her dog to a dog psych for an evaluation...really?!  So of all the tables I could sit at I'm happy to stay at my own fully present in the moment.