FYI: I'm not perfect!

I'm an imperfect person. There, I said it...I'm not perfect! I have faults and I mess up. But sometimes I'm reminded that its ok. Like last night when I caught a glimpse of heaven when I saw my girl praying during teen small group. Feet propped up on a ball, decked out in a princess dress and crown she reminded me that imperfect is okay.

Saturday morning I went into babies r us for a last minute baby shower gift for a friend. It was as if I walked into the Nashville pregnancy factory. I think just about every pregnant lady or new mom was in there all at the same time. It was a crazy sad moment when I stood in line to check out and realized I don't have a baby anymore. I made it to my car just before the tidal war of tears hit. I sat in my car sobbing. Sobbing because I'm not having another baby, but sobbing mostly because my baby is now a toddler and is growing up. The knowledge that she isn't as dependent on me as a newborn is on their mama brought me to tears. Ugly, sobbing, nose dripping tears. 

The truth is I don't know if I will ever get pregnant again, I haven't tried. I don't think I will try and that's okay. The sadness of that reality is one I think only a mother can understand. But after reflection and a teary trip trough the grocery store I realized I wasn't crying because I want to have a baby. I was crying because my baby isn't a baby anymore and each day she needs me a little less. I know, I know, a child always needs their mother but the reality of her growing up saddens me. 

This makes me want to not only cherish every moment with her but in a weird way it makes me want to be perfect. I want to be a perfect mom, a perfect wife, a perfect pastors wife (there's no such thing), and a perfect friend. My need for perfection often distracts me from my need to more importantly be a present mom, a present wife, a fully present friend...you get the idea.

So if you are reading this here is an FYI...I'm not perfect and neither is my blog. If you came in my house right now you would find toys in the living room, magnets all over my kitchen floor, dishes in the sink, and a left over pizza box on the counter. They are also signs of a restful weekend spent with family. If you read my blog you will find spelling and grammatical errors but The Lord knows I don't need another thing to obsess over so  please ignore them. They are evidence of an imperfect person being authentic.

I hope Addyson sees me as a real mom, inperfections and all. A mom who is fully present in the moment.