Bedtime Prayer Epiphany

 Last week I fell prey to the dreaded stomach virus. I have never met anyone who enjoys puking their guts out, but for me this type of sickness puts me in a very bad place.  For my OCD self getting sick is not only physically exhausting but mentally exhausting. I'm learning more tools to combat the dark place that I could easily slip into and finding support in others. Reality is despite my desire to crawl into bed and remain their forever, I have to face the land of the living. So on this Monday I did just that.

Today was a long day. I got up at 6:00 am packed addysons lunch and bags for Mother's Day out, took a shower and was out the door by 7:00. Made it to Trevecca, taught class then drove to work arriving at 9:30 to observe a student and worked till 6:00. Drove home in the rain, with windshield wipers that need to be replaced, sat in traffic and prayed. Prayed, thanking God for the strength to make it through the day. Prayed for friends who have experienced loss, friends who are seeking direction, friends who are desperate for hope. Prayed for my precious Addyson and hubby. Praying helps make the time pass while sitting in traffic. Got home made dinner with my hubby's help and ate as a family. Cleaned up from dinner and colored as a family. Yes, we colored as a family tonight after dinner.  It was so cute the three of us crowded around one coloring book as a family. 

It was in tonight's bedtime prayers that The Lord got my full attention. After a long and busy day I felt drained, yet The Lord spoke words of life into my weary body. As Andy prayed he thanked God for being fully present with us. That was it...fully present....why hadn't I ever thought if it before?!

As long as I have been a christian and for a kid who grew up in the church it wasn't till tonight that it really hit me. God, my God, is fully present. All this time I have been writing about and working towards being fully present in the moment and tonight for the first time I realized in each moment of my day God is fully present. He goes before me and is with me always. God is and will always be fully present. Wow, something so simple, yet incredibly comforting.

So despite all the fears, worries and obsessions that could so easily distract and discourage me, tonight my heart is full of hope knowing God is fully preset with me. Maybe I'm the only one who needs this kind of reality check. I dont know, maybe other people have perfect happy lives, but for those of us who are bold enough to honestly face the hurt parts of our lives, there is hope. Hope in a God who not only goes before us but is with us in whatever we face. Cling to the hope that God is fully present. Call out to Him, cry out to Him or just sit in silence before Him. But know that you aren't sitting or crying out alone, He is fully present with you.