Sometimes I Let Addyson Eat Croutons for Breakfast & Other Things I Never Thought I'd Do As A Mom

I was totally an expert mom before I was actually a mother. You know the one who had taken all the classes and studied child development. I worked with kids so naturally I was an expert. Let me tell ya...I didn't know what I didn't know.

I'm still no expert as I have only been a mama for three years. But I can say that I am an expert mom to Addyson, my miracle baby. My hubby and I are the experts when it comes to her, but sometimes in the heat of the parenting moment I have to remind myself that neither one of us know better than the other. We both have the same amount of parenting experience.

There are things I have done in my three year mommy career that I never thought I'd do...and now to share a few.


A couple days before we moved to to Nashville our Pediatrician in Florida shared concerns about Addyson's growth. He advised we get her into a doc within two weeks after our move. To make a long story short (no pun intended) the term "failure to thrive" entered our world. With it came a grieving process and weight gain goals. We pumped our little one full of avocados, sour cream, butter, pediasure and followed the weight gain plan. I wrote down everything she ate every day for months. She began growing and is meeting all developmental milestones. As a result I found myself letting her eat things I never thought I'd do. So sometimes she eats croutons for breakfast...with a banana of course.

In a recent post I shared the tales from the toilet and other lessons learned from potty training. I am happy to say we survived and are all about the big girl undies! Through that journey I experienced way too many moments with poop. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be on all fours looking for the little poop pellets my precious daughter flung our of her undies in attempts to get on the potty. This OCD Mama has had more encounters with poop than I'd like to admit.

When I was pregnant I was convinced Addyson wouldn't watch TV till the age of two in fear her brain and language wouldn't develop. I had done all my research and was sure we would shield our babe from the screen. Needless to say her favorite show is Curious George and some mornings that the only way I make it out of the house with a shower.

The biggest thing I never thought I'd do as a mom is let my child have a pacifier this long. This is a judge free zone right? Well, we are down to the last paci in the house and being that she is 3 years old and a week I'm more than ready for the paci to get permanently lost. At this point is stays in bed and is only for night time but all through the day I find her chewing on things. As I type she is chewing on a toy hot dog from her play kitchen. She chews on her shirts, fingers and anything else.  We are trying to provide more sensory input with pretzels, crackers, apple slices and anything else that crunches. In reality it's not hurting anyone and I'm fully prepared to start saving for braces now.

Being a mom is the greatest title I will ever hold. It is a blessing. I never thought I was capable of loving anything or anymore more than my husband. The love I have as a mom for my daughter is a different kind of love. I never thought i could love more but as each day passes and I see her grow and change I want to hold on to her tighter. My mind races to the first day of kindergarten, her first date, college and her wedding day. After facing days early on when she wasn't growing I remind myself that this is all part of the journey. Learning to let go is a struggle for this OCD Mama. Yet the challenge to remain fully present in the moment forces me back to reality. Living fully present in the moment helps me be a better mom.

Life as a Pastor's Wife

In an attempt to process life as I live it I turn to the keys. Sometimes the busyness of life prevents me from processing. Since returning from a week of experiencing The Kingdom in Flint, Michigan I have found myself having to be intentional about life.

Church is a funny thing to me. Not my church, but church in general. We have turned church into a business. We forget that churches are made up of human beings. We expect all the smoke and lights and think that is what makes church relevant. We forget to love people like Jesus. We get caught up in what the people on stage are wearing and the music. Recently I heard someone older than 35 say they didn't know one of the songs. The funny thing is it was a hymm. I'm guilty of it too... I have recently learned that worship isn't something that happens in the service on sunday mornings. I must be in worship all week. I can't come to church expecting to get fed for the week. I have to be intentional about my relationship with God all week and not just at church a couple hours a week.

Growing up in a pastor's family I have experienced an inside-out view of church. Often times knowing things behind the scenes has it's advantges and disadvantages alike. At times in my growing up years I hated being a Pastor's kid, but looking back I see how God began preparing me for life as a Pastor's wife.


In talking and listening to other Pastor's wives over the past year and a half I have found many comonalities and in perfect fully present fashion it's time to process.

My fellow Pastor's Wife friends shared the bests and worsts of life in the fishbowl of being married to a pastor and I thought it's time to share a few.

Some of the most common worsts included:
-Unrealsitic expectations. "We can't be everything to everyone. We need to put our families first and sometimes this means not being there everytime the doors are open."
-Cut throat church politics.
-Finances. "Not enough salary to stay afloat. Having to work second and third jobs."
-Someone in crisis or dies right befure (or even worse) during our vacation.
-Hurtful words said with "good" intentions. "Can't tell you how many times I have heard people talk about my husband while I have been in the bathroom and they didn't know it."
-People leaving to go somewhere "better". "The reason people say they are leaving is never the real reason. We often know things others don't." "We had a family leave to go to the mega church across town. They posted numerous posts on facebook about how great their new church was and how happy they were. Little did they know behind the scenes the pastor of their new great church was having an affair. There are no perfect churches!"
-Setting boundaries.
-Seeing dysfunction in peoples lives. "Often it is so hard to see and feel hurt with people."
-Pressure to give more and be more. "We are human beings too."

The top bests of being in ministry as a Pastor's wife:
-People who love and care for our kids. "Adopted grandparents" "free babysitting, people sitting with us when our kids were sick."
-People who stand by us in our darkest days.
-Knowing we have spent our life doing things that matter
-Seeing teens question and grow in their faith. "A full house with smelly teens who don't want to leave."
-The relationships and friends even after moving to another place in ministry.
-Learning to communicate more effectivley with spouse
-God's provision time and time again. "Christmas bonuses that made Chrismas possible for our children." "Seeing His faithfulness in the hardest, poorest times." "Gas cards and groceries left on our porch."
-Faithful prayer warriors who have always covered us in prayer.
-Being part of God's bigger plan.


I am greatful for the ways the Lord has gone before me in the places of ministry we have served. But we are not immune to the hurtful words. Sometimes we just want to sleep in on Sundays too. I am especially thankful for my fellow Pastor's Wife friends who I text and call when I need support. We serve in multiple areas of the church and do things no one else sees.

So if you are reading this hug your pastor's wife tomorrow and tell her you appreciate her. And if you don't appreciate her or her hubby, do me a favor...don't talk about them in the batchroom...you never know if she is in the stall next to you.

Taking this pastor's wife journey day by day living fully present in the moment!

How Great is Our God!

Three years ago today I didn't know what I was capable of. Three years ago today I didn't know my true strength. Three years ago today I was selfish. Three years ago I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving. Three years ago today I thought I knew what a good mom was. Three years ago today I didn't know what I didn't know. Three years ago today I held in my arms the greatest gift I have ever been given.

Today we celebrated our miracle baby. Overwhelmed with gratitude for The Lord entrusting me with this gift, I cherished every moment of this day, her 3rd birthday. The fully present moments of this day included last minute party shopping, a FROZEN party complete with an icecream sundae bar, welcoming "sharky" (the fish) to the family and celebrating with family and friends. 

When Addyson was a couple days old I remember rocking her in my arms. Through teary eyes I would sing "How Great is Our God." For nights on end I would rock, sing and thank God for the miracle of her life. 

Even now when Addyson is struggling to fall asleep, singing that song can calm her. The words of the song alone are meaningful but the words are so much more meaningful when you have had moments when God is silent. . 

Being fully present in the moment helps me recognize how great God is and recognizing how great God is helps me be fully present in the moment.</span>

God is.

The past week has been a whirlwind of a week. Ever had a rollercoaster of emotions kind of week? Yup, that pretty much sums up this past week.

It has been a week of new beginnings, disappointment, ups and downs and memories. I have had to remind myself on multiple occasions to be fully present in the moment.

The week began with my miracle baby starting preschool. As I anxiously began the first full week of my new job, my little girl excitedly began preschool.

I was doing pretty good handeling my emotions untill we got out of the car to go into preschool and I asked if she wanted to hold my hand as we walked inside. She replied "no thanks". My heart broke as I saw my all too independent girl walk into her class and say "my name is Addyson." 

The crying floodgates broke wide open and the ugly cry face took over as I drove to work. When I called to check on her during my lunch break the lady who answered the preschool office phone reported Addyson was doing great and having a better first day than her mama. Isn't that the truth I thought as I told her I promise not to call everyday.

My new job has brought with it excitment as I am so happy to be doing social work stuff again. With the excitment also comes feelings of inadequacy and worry. One thing that is a change for me is the nature of the work which puts me in a variety of schools instead of one location. I'm finding the travel time between schools very freeing. The drives are usually spent praying and worshipping as I sing with the radio. And let's be honest a few tears have been shed this week in the car between appointments at schools as I think about my new full time work schedule and then reapply makeup before going to the next school. Yet God has amazingly placed the right songs on the radio at the right times to speak hope to this sad mamas heart. 

To be honest, I hate the talk part of the radio and wish it was just music. But this week one of the radio people said something that has echoed in my mind and heart all week. They were talking about sending their 18 year old son off to college in another state and all the college stuf he needed, college expenses and the miles that would seperate them from their son. The radio dj mom said the following in regards to her "baby" leaving home, "I just had to come to accept that God either is or He isn't." She went on to talk about all the times God was faithful to her and yet the fears of sending her son away to college paralyzed her until she came to realize that God is! If God is everything we say He is and believe He is then God is big enough to handle it! 

Hello?!? Talk about a wake up call, slap in the face moment. My drive between schools became a moment of confession and commitment to living like I believe that God is. That God is enough to handle my emotional rollercoaster. That God is The One who holds my daughters hand at preschool. The following song "I Am Set Free" by All Sons and Daughters came on the radio and I sang along feeling a sense of freedom I have never felt or experienced before! 

Fast forward to the weekend spent in Texas celebrating my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary. It was a quick trip to Texas but one full of "fully present" moments with family. Seeing family I haven't seen in years, along with seeing my brother and parents was such a blessing. There were so many moments where I didn't even need to remind myself to be fully present in the moment because I was just soaking in each moment of togetherness. It was an unforgettable gift to have that time together. The icing in the cake was on Sunday morning when the same exact song was sung that I heard on the radio earlier in the week. As if God was reminding me that He is! Even in my week of saddness, disappointment, anger and excitment God is still God and He is a God of freedom.  

I am living in the moment set free!