Sprinkles

Tonight after dinner we went to celebrate Addyson's birthday with icecream. She proudly walked in and we ordered her a scoop of vanilla. The server asked if she wanted sprinkles and I automaticly replied "sure." To some this may seem like a no brainner, but for me I have cautously sheltered Addyson from sweets and until tonight (to my knowledge) she has never had sprinkles with icecream. Of course Andy piped in that what happens during Daddy Addy time stays in Daddy Addy time. We laughed and continued talking about the upcoming birthday party tomorrow and other random things, but my mind was racing.

I have tried for two years to protect Addyson and shelter her. We jokingly say I would wrap her in bubble wrap if it was socially acceptable. Now that she is two, I feel like we have reached a mile stone. Similar to her first steps, first word or the first time I spent the night away from her, each milestone brings fear and excitment.

This post isn't about being over protective, being a health freak or passing judgement. I don't apologize for my "crazy ways". It's not about my reasons for limiting Addyson's sugar intake or fear of spoiling her. Tonight as we sat and ate icecream, Addyson took a few bites and then began spitting it out. I thought she was done with her icecream, and when I began to take the bowl away it was clear to me that my sassy two year old wasn't done eatting her icecream, she just didn't like the sprinkles. We laughed and realized it was the sprinkles she didn't want and each bite that contained a sprinkle was immediatly rejected.

It's funny that after two years of limiting what she eats and not even letting her try sprinkles till tonight...she didn't even like the sprinkles. Makes me think about how easy it is to get in our own way. How often do we avoid things that are fearful only to try them and see that they weren't so bad afterall? So all this time I haven't let Addy have any sprinkles only to realize that she didn't even like them.

 I am realizing that I could easily let my own fears, worry and anxiety invade into the spaces of Addyson's life without even intending to. In my attempt to protect her could I be setting her up to depend on me, her very imperfect mom, instead of a loving, perfect God?

This random ice cream epiphany won't cause me to let Addy help herself to an all-you-can-eat candy and junk food buffet, but is the wake up call I needed tonight to remind me that Addyson's life isn't in my hands. I am an imperfect person. I been accused of caring too much and restricting and limiting fun. Above all I hope to be accused of pointing Addyson to God too much. For praying too much, praising Him too much and giving to others too much. I also have to trust that Addyson is growing up and that I have to let go. To let her grow and to trust she is safe in His arms, her loving Heavenly Father, the miracle giver. I am choosing to live fully present in the moment and enjoying each moment I have with Addyson.