Holiday Survival Guide (for the family and friends who love someone with OCD)

This week we celebrated my favorite holiday! Thanksgiving by far is my favorite holiday, but the reason why has nothing to do with food. I love turkey, mashed potatoes and all the fixins, but the real reason I love Thanksgiving is becuase of the memories I have with my family around the table. Growing up we always ate dinner as a family. It was an intentional time spent talking about the days activities, telling stories and it was these moments that laid the foundation for the closeness of my family. When I got married and had a child it was important to me that we eat together aorund the table for dinner as often as possible. With the business of ministry and being a thte church or with church people more nights than we are home, we have to protect the time we spend around our table as a family. Our daughter, even at the age of three, knows that we pray and eat as a family each night, and even she knows she has to stay at the table till we are all done.

Growing up we always had a few extra non-family members around our Thanksgiving table. Not having the opportunity to always live near family had is disatdvantages, but one advantage was the surprise at who would join us each year for turkey day. I remember the recently widowed, the foreign exchange student, the too far from family single person, the friends who were closer than family, the friends of friends, the co workers and all the other people who found themselves at our table throughout the years.

This year we were blessed to have my parents, brother and friends who recenlty moved to Nashville join us for Thanksgiving at our little cozy townhouse. After all the dishes were done, leftovers put away and dessert eaten I began to think about what I wish other people knew.

The holidays are an exciting time, but can be extremly overwhelming and difficult for those of us who live with OCD. The changes in routine, anticipation of whats to come, stress,  traveling, not to mention more germs around can cause the most calm person to experience anxiety. My family has been amazing at helping me through but I want to share a few tips to help support the people you love with OCD and anxiety this holiday season.

• Give us space. Don't be offended when we need a time out or break from all the festivities. Sometimes a few minutes of alone time can go along way in helping us "make it through the next event." We aren't mad, we are just coming up for air.
• Expect less. I already have high expectations of myself, so please don't add to it.
• Keep things as normal as possible. The cram packed schedules, decorations and festivities cause our normal to look and feel different. Try to keep things as normal as possible.
• Check in/check out. Make a point to check in and out with your loved one. Starting the day asking what we need is huge and then ending the day by seeing how the day went or how we are doing shows you care.
• Back off...but don't back away. You don't have to smother us with "are you ok?" questions but please don't forget that this can be a hard time of year. Don't assume we are okay.
• Let me obsess about something. Often times the obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors can be more heightened and excessive during stressful times. So we may need to give in to the OCD monster and that is okay as long as it isn't hurting ourselves or others.
• Listen...don't fix. Many times we may just need you to listen. Often times there is no easy fix but just listening so we can get it all out helps more than you know.
• Love us through it all. The good the bad and ugly parts of OCD are a part of us. So please love us no matter what.

Be fully present in the moment!

"Are you really soooo OCD?"

I saw a dear friend last week who asked about my blog and why I havne't been writing lately. To be honest, with you I have been writing, but haven't been posting. Life has been busy and I have spent the last couple months taking a break from the online world.

 For me the fall months and season changes, especially when the time changes, are my most difficult months. I can't really pin point any one thing that causes this time of the year to be so challenging. I think that with the start of my new job and working full time, Addyson starting preschool, youth ministry and leading our girls small group, not to mention the onset of flu season I often find myself in an OCD danger zone. It is so easy to over committ and underprepare. I am not unike most people who like the extra hour of sleep but hate the sun ging down earlier and changes that the "fall back" bring. But for my OCD brain I tread in dangerous waters. 

In October I started to feel myself getting into the dangerous deep end of OCD habits. I discovered that I was spending too much time online, specifically scrolling facebook and reading about ebola, stomach viruses, and flu shots. I decided the newsfeeds of my friends were causing me to obsess. This "great thing" became a destructive thing, causing the obsessive thoughts to spiral out of control. So I knew it was up to me to do something different, and for me that meant limiting my access to media, disabling my facebook account and  being fully present in my real life. Now this isn't a post to pass judgment on facebook or the greator illusion it brings. But I hate to break it to ya...our facebook lifes just aren't real. They don't show the messiness of the real lives we live each day. And my messy life involves living every day with an OCD monster.

 In my attempt to process my real struggles all while helping others, I came across the International OCD Foundation. One of my persoal pet peeves and insult to all people who live with OCD is when people casualy use the phrase "I'm so OCD" I have blogged about it before and loved that this years OCD week (October 13-19) brought awareness to this very thing. 

As the fall months turn to winter, which will soon bring on a new year, I am ready to face the online world again. 

So...for my handfull of readers...i'm back and... living more fully present in the moment than ever before!

"Dance Me"

With the onset of "Frozen" and it's instant popularity amongst little (and adult) girls everywhere my Miracle Baby is all about princesses. I will never forget when she saw my wedding picture hanging on the wall and with wide eyed wonder asked/stated "Mama, You're a Princess?" From that point on, all things princess have invaded our world. And with this addition has come the simple joy of dancing. One of Addyson's  favorite things to do is watch "Frozen" and dance to the musical numbers intertwined throughout the movie. We love to belt out "Let it Go" with the best of them, but we also have to dance and act out the scenes.

I will never forget the spring day that my precious miracle baby called to me from the living room as I prepared dinner and said "Dance Me". When she wants to dance in a request/command like innocence she says "Mama, dance me."  And in perfect fully present fashion I was frozen (no pun intended) in my tracks as forgot about the dinner needing to be finished and danced in the kitchen with my favorite girl. 

It is in moments like this that I am still amazed that  I am a mama to this wide eyed and very energetic girl. But is is also these kind of moments that make me realize how easily distracted I can be. With being a working mom, involved in youth ministry with my hubby, and attempting to keep my life and house organized, I can so easily loose sight of the things in my life that are the most important...like stopping and dancing with my daughter. You see there will be a day when she will want her space and will be too cool for her mother. I will dream of days like this and hope that it shows her that I am never too busy to stop when she needs me. This fully present moment got my attention and has helped me be more intentional about the moments that really matter. 

Living fully present in the moment dancing with my princess!