"Please put your mask on first and then assist your daughter."

It seems like everyone around me is buying a house, having a baby, or both. Why does it seem like just when I feel at peace in my heart and settled in my mind about my life things creep up to distract me from the peace I have? Feelings of loneliness flood my heart and mind. Doubt, fear and uncertainty creep in and feed these lies of insecurity. Help me God! Help my focus to be on the certainty I find in you. My identity and self esteem can't be found in on Facebook, Pinterest or Instagram, but is only in Christ alone. Comparison is the thief of joy. I need my joy again. Help me to "be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 

These are the words I wrote in my journal on May 28, 2015 after a cry fest. I had only been off work (for the summer) for 6 days and was feeling the OCD monster rearing it's ugly head. The fun of sleeping in only lasts a couple days in my world and lack of routine is very dangerous. With Addyson still finishing preschool and thinking ahead to the 5 trips that would make up for a busy summer. I remember crawling back into bed and crying alone. This can be a dangerous slippery slope for me but looking back it was so very much needed. Out of that pain I wrote the above words and prayed that God would get my attention in a very real and raw way this summer. This is a scary thing to pray for and as a word of caution, don't ever pray for this unless you are ready for God to show up in a life changing way.

Fast forward a couple weeks and after attending our church's district assembly and senior high youth camp Addyson and I were on our way to Michigan for a week with Poppy and GMama while Andy spent a week at junior high camp. I was so looking forward to a little down time. 

That's when it happened. God got my attention in a real way! As we waited in the airplane for take off, the flight attendant came to our row and in a nonchalant almost robotic way said to me "please put your mask on first and then assist your daughter." She walked away almost as quickly as she spoke and  within minutes the safety instructions began and we took off for Michigan. It wasn't until we got into the air that it really hit me. Obviously the point of her statement is that in an emergency and if the oxygen masks were needed, in order for me to really be able to help my child, I would need to be alive, and I would have to put my mask on first. I have flown many times with Addyson and never once had the flight attendant personally tell me to put my mask on first, but I know that this statement was made to me for a reason.

Sometimes I get so caught up in taking care of everything and everyone that I neglect to take care of the important things. I'm easily susceptible of doing good things and serving others yet neglecting to make time for me and God. There is always something to do, mommy duties to fulfill, something to clean or a bill to pay and at the end of the day I think what just happened? Where did the time go? I get caught in the comparison trap and sticky "I'm not good enough" web of lies and neglect the truth. Being intentional about spending time in Gods word, talking to Him, listening to Him and being fully present in His presence is what my heart is really longing for. 

So now that's it's July and we are leaving tomorrow for our 5th and final trip of the summer, I am more determined than ever to make sure to "put my mask on first". I recognize now more than ever that in order for me to really be a good Mom, wife, youth leader, and person who serves and loves the Kingdom I have to take care of me first. I have to make my relationship with Christ more of a priority than any of the other relationships or people in my life. This is the only way I will ever have a heart like Christ and love like He loved. This is the only way I can be effective in helping others.

To be fully present I have to begin with being fully present in God's presence.