When Love Hurts

Sometimes love hurts. I'm not talking about the silly junior high, my life is over breakup or when your crush doesn't like you kind of hurt. I'm talking about how my heart feels when someone I love doesn't love or even see a need for God. I'm talking about the person who debates with you for the sake of debating or maybe for the sake of the argument. The heart break I'm  taking about is for the one that grew up in the "good christian home" but doesn't see a need for God. The one who turns from the truth they have heard their whole life. The heartbreak I struggle with is knowing there may be nothing I can do or say to "convince" them to embrace that truth, to embrace God.

Love hurts when the people you love the most don't love the One you love the most. Why can't the riches of Gods love be enough for them? What do they long for when the One who longs for them is ignored? What is more important than a relationship with their Creator? What happens when we have nothing in common? Will our relationship fade into nothingness? How do I teach my daughter to love others when sometimes loving others is painful? 

My mind and heart is full of these and many more questions. How do I love people who at times feel unloveable? How can I ask God to break my heart for the things and people who breaks His heart when my heart is, well broken in pieces? Can love alone mend a broken heart? Human love, love in my own strength can't. And yet we are called to love. Our calling as Christians is to love God and love others. That is a high calling. A calling that can not be accomplished in my own strength. 

Before I re-met (we originally met in college and got reconnected through Facebook) my amazing husband, I had a major crush on a guy. I liked this guy so much and yet nothing I did or said managed to get his full attention. I desired so much to be married and settled down that I probably would have done just about anything to get this guy to give me the time of day. I was convinced that one date with him was all it would take for us to fall in love and ride off into the sunset. Ha ha ha... boy was I wrong. I tried to get this guy to like me and it never worked. Feelings of inadequacy and lies of not being pretty or skinny enough for him flodded my mind and heart after our first date never really resulted in another. It's funny how things don't work out so that other things can work out. 

My husband is the best fit for me. Not only do I know he loves me unconditionally, I know that our hearts desire is to serve The Lord and serve others together. This is such a gift. Not only does he make me laugh but my hubby and I balance each other out. His weaknesses are my strengths and vice versa. Early on in our relationship, I realized I didn't have to try to get his attention or make him like me. He pursued me. God cultivated our relationship. We pursue each other and both strive to serve each other through loving and respecting each other. I can't imagine loving and serving him and not having my hubby love me in return.

 It hurts me when people we care about and love don't desire God in their life. I can't imagine how God feels when His children don't love Him and how much His heart breaks for them. The pain I feel pales in comparison to that kind of heart breaking love. Yet God pursues each of us and longs for a relationship with us, his children. 

How do I continue to love those who don't love the most important thing in my life? How do I love someone who doesn't believe in God? All I know to do is pray. To pray harder. To pray without ceasing.

I am thankful for the relentless pursuit God has for me. I want to relentlessly pursue Him. I want to love others even when it hurts. I want to love others even when they don't care. I don't want to give up on them. I won't give up on them.

Even when it hurts I will love. I will continue to pursue them, to embrace them, to pray for them. I guess I'm still learning what exactly that kind of love looks likes.

All I know is that sometimes being fully present in the moment hurts.