My Name is Ashley, and I have OCD

So here goes nothing...

After the encouragement from family and close friends today is the day that my blog will make its official debut to the public. With this of course comes doubt, fear and anxiety. Today I face one of my enemies...the enemy I live with daily, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

While driving in the car one day last week my husband encouraged me to share my blog on facebook, after I read him 10 Reasons Why I Wish I Was At Junior High Camp. We had a good laugh and in that deep southern accent he said "seriously Ashley you could help a lot of people." Of course the Social Worker inside me was all about helping people, but the reality of people knowing my deepest secret overwhelmed me.


Over the past month the Lord has opened the flood gates for me to write. On a whim I submitted some of my writing to a few different publishers and over night my email was flooded with inquiries. Some of them were the standard "send us your work and we will see" responses. But one publisher contacted me with an invitation to submit articles for a magazine. It was overwhelming and exciting at the same time. To have the opportunity to encourage other women in the journey of ministry and to speak hope to their hearts???? I could actually have that opportunity?!


It's one thing for my closest friends to know about my journey with anxiety and OCD, but to put it out there for all to see and know?! I started this blog as a healthy way to express my frustrations with OCD and how I am experiencing God's freedom to get Out of the Darkness and learning to live in the light.  Yet even as I type this I am feeling the fear of what it would even mean to be that honest with the world. How will people react? Will anyone besides my mom even read my blog? Could it really help someone? Will people look at me differently to know that I have OCD? I guess only time (and this blog) will tell.

As I begin this new step in my journey I am encouraged that my measly words and an honest heart could do something to better other peoples lives. I pray that this is true. Above all, I hope this will help someone else to know they are not alone, to seek wise counsel, to speak out about weakness and to be okay with being who God created. This morning I came across this verse and it really is what helped me make the decision to go public with my blog and my prayer today.

Proverbs 3:5

The Message (MSG)

^5-9 Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
    Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
    your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
    give him the first and the best.

Let the next step in the journey begin! Today I am living fully present in the moment!