Out of the Darkness

I have thought numerous times over the last couple of months that I need to sit down and blog. My need for a place to express my thoughts, worries, frustrations and fears have been so evident. The jumble of thoughts in my mind become so chaotic that they often get brushed away to avoid the reality of dealing with them. In 2006 I was officially diagnosed with OCD. Something that has surrounded me and followed me like a misquitto in the dead of summer. It actually wasn't until I had been diagnosed and started taking medication that I begain to experience freedom from the fears that have overwhelmed me the majority of my life. Through the help of family, counselor friends, medication, self discovery and the Lord freedom from the bondage, I moved out of the darnkess and into God's light. It's funny how a dark room feels. The darkness is scary because of the unknown that it is. For me living with OCD is like being in a dark room. My mind can't stop thinking of what awful things could happen in that dark place. The obsessive thoughts cause the complusive behviors to rear their ugly head and so the cycle begins.

One time in talking to my mom (the rock that has been my support through this journey of life) she said to me "Ashley a lot of people eat the same cereal for breakfast all the time, that's normal." I responded by saying "but those people don't think something bad will happen if they don't eat that cereal every morning...that's not normal."

In my attempt to find some balance and normalcy I am committed to blogging my thoughts, fears, worries, frustrations and hopes. Every day I have to choose to step out of the darnkess and live in the light. I choose to be fully present in the moment.