Things I Never Thought I'd Hear Myself Say

First, I have to begin by saying a big "Thank You" for all the support for coming out of the OCD closet and debuting my blog. I am overwhelmed with the comments, messages and emails I have received. I hope that future posts don't disappoint and that I can continue to be authentic with my journey.

It's hard to know where to go from here when it comes to blogging...do I focus fully on my OCD? Motherhood? Being a Pastor's Wife? I'm going with all of the above.

A glimpse into my morning would show you that I am human, not perfect and out of control. This is a good thing and something I have had to learn to embrace because when I am out of control, God is fully in control. This is a comfort.

I spent the morning on the couch because I am fighting a sinus infection. Any time I am sick my OCD usually rears its ugly head and I am tempted to allow my mind to vacation in a not so good place, giving in to the compulsions. Yet, this morning I was different.

 After feeding Addyson breakfast we sat and watched a few episodes of Curious George, got a bath and folded laundry. It was during this time that I heard myself say some things I never thought I'd say. *All of which I said this morning before noon.

• "We don't wipe boogies on the couch."
• "Take the banana out of your hair."
• "Stop drinking the bath water"
• "If you sit on the drain it will hurt your buns."
• "Screaming like that is unacceptable" (Note to self: Okay, if Addyson knew what "unacceptable" meant she would also know that screaming to the top of her lungs when mama has a sinus headache isn't a good idea.)
• "Those are mamas special things" As she pulls out all my tampons and throws them. There ain't nothing "special" about that!

I am hoping to devote a post in the future sharing the story of our daughter Addyson and the pain of infertility. However I don't have the strength emotionally to re-live those feelings today. Short story is that I was told I would never get pregnant and Addyson will be two in August. There is no medical explanation for me getting pregnant and having Addyson, but that's okay...knowing she is a miracle is way better than a medical explanation.

God reminded me this morning of two things as I laughed at myself and the things I heard myself say:
1.) His miracles don't always come with instructions.
2.) Weakness on my part reveals a need for more dependence on Him.

I am so thankful for the way God reminds me of His truth. There is still so much I want to learn about Him and so much I need to learn. Today hearing Addyson say "Thank you Mama" after I ge her lunch I stopped in my tracks. Hearing those words was the reminder I needed to be fully present in the moment. So whatever you face today don't be afraid to laugh at yourself, admit your weaknesses and then choose to live fully present in the moment.