Pinterest Perfection

I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest.

A friend of mine recently posted a picture of her Pinterest fail. You know the hilarious attempts at recreating the picture perfect Pinterest creations that go wrong. It got me thinking about the many imperfections in my own life.

This time of year especially, has me fully aware of my imperfections. As I look for the perfect Christmas gifts, plan the prefect party, and worst of all...create the prefect Christmas card, I am fully aware of my not so perfect pinterest life. Last year we had an amazing professional and talented photographer friend gift us with family pictures. Each photo was natural yet perfectly posed and edited to beautifully capture my little family of three. I was so excited to create the prefect Christmas card and send it to all my friends my family who keep and frame the photo each year. This year we will have an unedited fully present in the moment photo for our Christmas card. I'm a little embarassed to admit it, but now that I'm back on facebook...I am embarassed that we didn't budget for the traditional color coordinated, perfectly posed photo shoot with the changing leaves in the background to compete with all the other pinterest worthy Christmas cards.

I'm the first to admit I spend way too much time scrolling through Pinterest pinning recipes I will never make, pinning articles that catch my attention but not long enough to fully read and looking our outfit ensembles that are way beyond my goodwill budget. The mindless scrolling is entertaining, but also causes me to conceal my imperfections.

I'm also a fan if instagram but before I post a pic I make sure the piles of laundry aren't in the background exposing my imperfect housekeeping abilities. Sucking in the post baby belly in an attempt to look skinnier than my "soft" body as described by my now three year old "baby". I take and retake pics to show my miracle baby with her cutest smile as if the fact that her life is a miracle isn't enough.

Reality is we all do it! We put our best pics out there for the world to see hiding the imperfections of our lives. I am more and more convinced that I can't talk about being fully present in the moment if I'm not embracing the imperfect parts of my life. This Fall I was intentional about using the #fullypresentfall hashtag after my pics on instagram.

As I process the ins and outs of this beautifully imperfect life I want to tell teen girls (or not so teen girls) obsessed with selfies, tired moms buried in dirty dishes and laundry and widowed warriers holding back tears... YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. IT IS OKAY. I AM NOT PERFECT. What would happen if we stopped posting our fake lives on facebook and embraced our beautifully authentic fully present life.

Fully present in the moment...imperfections and all.

Holiday Survival Guide (for the family and friends who love someone with OCD)

This week we celebrated my favorite holiday! Thanksgiving by far is my favorite holiday, but the reason why has nothing to do with food. I love turkey, mashed potatoes and all the fixins, but the real reason I love Thanksgiving is becuase of the memories I have with my family around the table. Growing up we always ate dinner as a family. It was an intentional time spent talking about the days activities, telling stories and it was these moments that laid the foundation for the closeness of my family. When I got married and had a child it was important to me that we eat together aorund the table for dinner as often as possible. With the business of ministry and being a thte church or with church people more nights than we are home, we have to protect the time we spend around our table as a family. Our daughter, even at the age of three, knows that we pray and eat as a family each night, and even she knows she has to stay at the table till we are all done.

Growing up we always had a few extra non-family members around our Thanksgiving table. Not having the opportunity to always live near family had is disatdvantages, but one advantage was the surprise at who would join us each year for turkey day. I remember the recently widowed, the foreign exchange student, the too far from family single person, the friends who were closer than family, the friends of friends, the co workers and all the other people who found themselves at our table throughout the years.

This year we were blessed to have my parents, brother and friends who recenlty moved to Nashville join us for Thanksgiving at our little cozy townhouse. After all the dishes were done, leftovers put away and dessert eaten I began to think about what I wish other people knew.

The holidays are an exciting time, but can be extremly overwhelming and difficult for those of us who live with OCD. The changes in routine, anticipation of whats to come, stress,  traveling, not to mention more germs around can cause the most calm person to experience anxiety. My family has been amazing at helping me through but I want to share a few tips to help support the people you love with OCD and anxiety this holiday season.

• Give us space. Don't be offended when we need a time out or break from all the festivities. Sometimes a few minutes of alone time can go along way in helping us "make it through the next event." We aren't mad, we are just coming up for air.
• Expect less. I already have high expectations of myself, so please don't add to it.
• Keep things as normal as possible. The cram packed schedules, decorations and festivities cause our normal to look and feel different. Try to keep things as normal as possible.
• Check in/check out. Make a point to check in and out with your loved one. Starting the day asking what we need is huge and then ending the day by seeing how the day went or how we are doing shows you care.
• Back off...but don't back away. You don't have to smother us with "are you ok?" questions but please don't forget that this can be a hard time of year. Don't assume we are okay.
• Let me obsess about something. Often times the obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors can be more heightened and excessive during stressful times. So we may need to give in to the OCD monster and that is okay as long as it isn't hurting ourselves or others.
• Listen...don't fix. Many times we may just need you to listen. Often times there is no easy fix but just listening so we can get it all out helps more than you know.
• Love us through it all. The good the bad and ugly parts of OCD are a part of us. So please love us no matter what.

Be fully present in the moment!

"Are you really soooo OCD?"

I saw a dear friend last week who asked about my blog and why I havne't been writing lately. To be honest, with you I have been writing, but haven't been posting. Life has been busy and I have spent the last couple months taking a break from the online world.

 For me the fall months and season changes, especially when the time changes, are my most difficult months. I can't really pin point any one thing that causes this time of the year to be so challenging. I think that with the start of my new job and working full time, Addyson starting preschool, youth ministry and leading our girls small group, not to mention the onset of flu season I often find myself in an OCD danger zone. It is so easy to over committ and underprepare. I am not unike most people who like the extra hour of sleep but hate the sun ging down earlier and changes that the "fall back" bring. But for my OCD brain I tread in dangerous waters. 

In October I started to feel myself getting into the dangerous deep end of OCD habits. I discovered that I was spending too much time online, specifically scrolling facebook and reading about ebola, stomach viruses, and flu shots. I decided the newsfeeds of my friends were causing me to obsess. This "great thing" became a destructive thing, causing the obsessive thoughts to spiral out of control. So I knew it was up to me to do something different, and for me that meant limiting my access to media, disabling my facebook account and  being fully present in my real life. Now this isn't a post to pass judgment on facebook or the greator illusion it brings. But I hate to break it to ya...our facebook lifes just aren't real. They don't show the messiness of the real lives we live each day. And my messy life involves living every day with an OCD monster.

 In my attempt to process my real struggles all while helping others, I came across the International OCD Foundation. One of my persoal pet peeves and insult to all people who live with OCD is when people casualy use the phrase "I'm so OCD" I have blogged about it before and loved that this years OCD week (October 13-19) brought awareness to this very thing. 

As the fall months turn to winter, which will soon bring on a new year, I am ready to face the online world again. 

So...for my handfull of readers...i'm back and... living more fully present in the moment than ever before!

"Dance Me"

With the onset of "Frozen" and it's instant popularity amongst little (and adult) girls everywhere my Miracle Baby is all about princesses. I will never forget when she saw my wedding picture hanging on the wall and with wide eyed wonder asked/stated "Mama, You're a Princess?" From that point on, all things princess have invaded our world. And with this addition has come the simple joy of dancing. One of Addyson's  favorite things to do is watch "Frozen" and dance to the musical numbers intertwined throughout the movie. We love to belt out "Let it Go" with the best of them, but we also have to dance and act out the scenes.

I will never forget the spring day that my precious miracle baby called to me from the living room as I prepared dinner and said "Dance Me". When she wants to dance in a request/command like innocence she says "Mama, dance me."  And in perfect fully present fashion I was frozen (no pun intended) in my tracks as forgot about the dinner needing to be finished and danced in the kitchen with my favorite girl. 

It is in moments like this that I am still amazed that  I am a mama to this wide eyed and very energetic girl. But is is also these kind of moments that make me realize how easily distracted I can be. With being a working mom, involved in youth ministry with my hubby, and attempting to keep my life and house organized, I can so easily loose sight of the things in my life that are the most important...like stopping and dancing with my daughter. You see there will be a day when she will want her space and will be too cool for her mother. I will dream of days like this and hope that it shows her that I am never too busy to stop when she needs me. This fully present moment got my attention and has helped me be more intentional about the moments that really matter. 

Living fully present in the moment dancing with my princess!

Sometimes I Let Addyson Eat Croutons for Breakfast & Other Things I Never Thought I'd Do As A Mom

I was totally an expert mom before I was actually a mother. You know the one who had taken all the classes and studied child development. I worked with kids so naturally I was an expert. Let me tell ya...I didn't know what I didn't know.

I'm still no expert as I have only been a mama for three years. But I can say that I am an expert mom to Addyson, my miracle baby. My hubby and I are the experts when it comes to her, but sometimes in the heat of the parenting moment I have to remind myself that neither one of us know better than the other. We both have the same amount of parenting experience.

There are things I have done in my three year mommy career that I never thought I'd do...and now to share a few.


A couple days before we moved to to Nashville our Pediatrician in Florida shared concerns about Addyson's growth. He advised we get her into a doc within two weeks after our move. To make a long story short (no pun intended) the term "failure to thrive" entered our world. With it came a grieving process and weight gain goals. We pumped our little one full of avocados, sour cream, butter, pediasure and followed the weight gain plan. I wrote down everything she ate every day for months. She began growing and is meeting all developmental milestones. As a result I found myself letting her eat things I never thought I'd do. So sometimes she eats croutons for breakfast...with a banana of course.

In a recent post I shared the tales from the toilet and other lessons learned from potty training. I am happy to say we survived and are all about the big girl undies! Through that journey I experienced way too many moments with poop. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be on all fours looking for the little poop pellets my precious daughter flung our of her undies in attempts to get on the potty. This OCD Mama has had more encounters with poop than I'd like to admit.

When I was pregnant I was convinced Addyson wouldn't watch TV till the age of two in fear her brain and language wouldn't develop. I had done all my research and was sure we would shield our babe from the screen. Needless to say her favorite show is Curious George and some mornings that the only way I make it out of the house with a shower.

The biggest thing I never thought I'd do as a mom is let my child have a pacifier this long. This is a judge free zone right? Well, we are down to the last paci in the house and being that she is 3 years old and a week I'm more than ready for the paci to get permanently lost. At this point is stays in bed and is only for night time but all through the day I find her chewing on things. As I type she is chewing on a toy hot dog from her play kitchen. She chews on her shirts, fingers and anything else.  We are trying to provide more sensory input with pretzels, crackers, apple slices and anything else that crunches. In reality it's not hurting anyone and I'm fully prepared to start saving for braces now.

Being a mom is the greatest title I will ever hold. It is a blessing. I never thought I was capable of loving anything or anymore more than my husband. The love I have as a mom for my daughter is a different kind of love. I never thought i could love more but as each day passes and I see her grow and change I want to hold on to her tighter. My mind races to the first day of kindergarten, her first date, college and her wedding day. After facing days early on when she wasn't growing I remind myself that this is all part of the journey. Learning to let go is a struggle for this OCD Mama. Yet the challenge to remain fully present in the moment forces me back to reality. Living fully present in the moment helps me be a better mom.

Life as a Pastor's Wife

In an attempt to process life as I live it I turn to the keys. Sometimes the busyness of life prevents me from processing. Since returning from a week of experiencing The Kingdom in Flint, Michigan I have found myself having to be intentional about life.

Church is a funny thing to me. Not my church, but church in general. We have turned church into a business. We forget that churches are made up of human beings. We expect all the smoke and lights and think that is what makes church relevant. We forget to love people like Jesus. We get caught up in what the people on stage are wearing and the music. Recently I heard someone older than 35 say they didn't know one of the songs. The funny thing is it was a hymm. I'm guilty of it too... I have recently learned that worship isn't something that happens in the service on sunday mornings. I must be in worship all week. I can't come to church expecting to get fed for the week. I have to be intentional about my relationship with God all week and not just at church a couple hours a week.

Growing up in a pastor's family I have experienced an inside-out view of church. Often times knowing things behind the scenes has it's advantges and disadvantages alike. At times in my growing up years I hated being a Pastor's kid, but looking back I see how God began preparing me for life as a Pastor's wife.


In talking and listening to other Pastor's wives over the past year and a half I have found many comonalities and in perfect fully present fashion it's time to process.

My fellow Pastor's Wife friends shared the bests and worsts of life in the fishbowl of being married to a pastor and I thought it's time to share a few.

Some of the most common worsts included:
-Unrealsitic expectations. "We can't be everything to everyone. We need to put our families first and sometimes this means not being there everytime the doors are open."
-Cut throat church politics.
-Finances. "Not enough salary to stay afloat. Having to work second and third jobs."
-Someone in crisis or dies right befure (or even worse) during our vacation.
-Hurtful words said with "good" intentions. "Can't tell you how many times I have heard people talk about my husband while I have been in the bathroom and they didn't know it."
-People leaving to go somewhere "better". "The reason people say they are leaving is never the real reason. We often know things others don't." "We had a family leave to go to the mega church across town. They posted numerous posts on facebook about how great their new church was and how happy they were. Little did they know behind the scenes the pastor of their new great church was having an affair. There are no perfect churches!"
-Setting boundaries.
-Seeing dysfunction in peoples lives. "Often it is so hard to see and feel hurt with people."
-Pressure to give more and be more. "We are human beings too."

The top bests of being in ministry as a Pastor's wife:
-People who love and care for our kids. "Adopted grandparents" "free babysitting, people sitting with us when our kids were sick."
-People who stand by us in our darkest days.
-Knowing we have spent our life doing things that matter
-Seeing teens question and grow in their faith. "A full house with smelly teens who don't want to leave."
-The relationships and friends even after moving to another place in ministry.
-Learning to communicate more effectivley with spouse
-God's provision time and time again. "Christmas bonuses that made Chrismas possible for our children." "Seeing His faithfulness in the hardest, poorest times." "Gas cards and groceries left on our porch."
-Faithful prayer warriors who have always covered us in prayer.
-Being part of God's bigger plan.


I am greatful for the ways the Lord has gone before me in the places of ministry we have served. But we are not immune to the hurtful words. Sometimes we just want to sleep in on Sundays too. I am especially thankful for my fellow Pastor's Wife friends who I text and call when I need support. We serve in multiple areas of the church and do things no one else sees.

So if you are reading this hug your pastor's wife tomorrow and tell her you appreciate her. And if you don't appreciate her or her hubby, do me a favor...don't talk about them in the batchroom...you never know if she is in the stall next to you.

Taking this pastor's wife journey day by day living fully present in the moment!

How Great is Our God!

Three years ago today I didn't know what I was capable of. Three years ago today I didn't know my true strength. Three years ago today I was selfish. Three years ago I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving. Three years ago today I thought I knew what a good mom was. Three years ago today I didn't know what I didn't know. Three years ago today I held in my arms the greatest gift I have ever been given.

Today we celebrated our miracle baby. Overwhelmed with gratitude for The Lord entrusting me with this gift, I cherished every moment of this day, her 3rd birthday. The fully present moments of this day included last minute party shopping, a FROZEN party complete with an icecream sundae bar, welcoming "sharky" (the fish) to the family and celebrating with family and friends. 

When Addyson was a couple days old I remember rocking her in my arms. Through teary eyes I would sing "How Great is Our God." For nights on end I would rock, sing and thank God for the miracle of her life. 

Even now when Addyson is struggling to fall asleep, singing that song can calm her. The words of the song alone are meaningful but the words are so much more meaningful when you have had moments when God is silent. . 

Being fully present in the moment helps me recognize how great God is and recognizing how great God is helps me be fully present in the moment.</span>